let's hear it for the boy
by splendidlyimperfect
Summary: Ryos is terrified of being 'out'. The only people who know he's trans are his brother Gajeel and a few teachers at his school - and he wants to keep it that way. But Gajeel's pregnant girlfriend is moving in with them, and a new (cute) boy has literally crashed into his life. How's he supposed to keep his secret now? / **part of the 'only hope for me is you' universe
1. an unexpected collision

"Math is the fucking devil."

Ryos looked up from his table at the community center, marking his place in his book with his finger. Thea stood above him, giving him a defeated look. He patted the bench next to him and she flopped down, dropping her arms to the table and sighing dramatically.

"Bad day?" he asked, tucking his book into his backpack. The sounds of other kids playing basketball echoed through the glass behind him.

"AP exams are in like, a week, and I fucking hate trigonometry," Thea grumbled. She pushed her glasses up on her nose and fixed one of the barrettes in her bright blue hair. She was wearing leopard-print leggings under a black miniskirt today, paired with combat boots that came halfway up her calves.

"Can't Nadev help you?" Ryos asked. "You know I'm shit at math." Thea sighed, tugging her blazer closer around her.

"He's got family dinner tonight," she replied. "You know how his Nanni is." Ryos hummed in agreement.

"Well, I'm not much help," he said apologetically.

"You waiting for Gajeel?" Thea asked, turning on the bench to face him. Ryos nodded.

"He started that program today and he's got a meeting with his parole officer after that, so he's picking me up late." Ryos spoke quietly, glancing over his shoulder even though nobody was around. He was already the 'weird kid,' people didn't need to know about his brother's juvie time on top of that.

"Well, wanna come waste time at the skate park?" Thea asked. She had pulled her phone out of her pocket and was rapidly texting someone with one hand. The number of charms hanging from her phone was unreasonable. "Maddy's there. And you can check out your crush." Thea raised an eyebrow at Ryos, who felt his cheeks turn pink.

"He's not my crush," Ryos mumbled half-heartedly, but when Thea stood up and grabbed his hand, Ryos let her pull him to his feet. The skate park was on the other end of the community center, so they made their way through sweaty teens and past the pool. "You know I'm terrible at skateboarding," Ryos protested.

"So's Maddy," Thea said, dodging a group of elementary-school kids. The skate park was a popular spot for most of the local teens and as they approached, Ryos could hear shouting and cheering. "But she tries anyways."

"She broke her arm last month," Ryos reminded her. It had been a spectacular fall that had ended up with Maddy in a cast, and with scrapes and a bruise down the side of her face. She had taken it in stride, though, and was already back at it.

They finally made it through the throng of teens, pushing the door of the skate park open. Ryos wrinkled his nose at the smell of sweat and body spray. A group of familiar kids from another school were there, showing off for a group of bored-looking girls. Ryos' eyes skipped over them, lingering on a boy his age with bleached blonde hair and an eyebrow piercing. He wore a hoodie with the sleeves ripped off, and tight, dark-washed jeans that hugged him in all the right places.

"Checking out Sting?" Maddy teased, elbowing Ryos as she came up to them. He shied away from the contact and she dipped her head apologetically. "You ever gonna talk to him?" Ryos shrugged, feeling his cheeks flush. He'd been watching Sting since school started, but the idea of actually _speaking_ to him made Ryos feel sick. "I still haven't figured out which way he swings," Maddy added. "Dibs if he's bi."

"Oh my god, Maddy," Ryos sighed, exasperated. He glanced at her arm – still in its cast – then at the green-and-blue skateboard that she held in the other hand. "Are you seriously skateboarding with a broken arm?"

"Nope, _you're_ skateboarding today," she said, grinning. Ryos groaned, shrugging off his backpack. He could protest, but Maddy was persuasive and if Ryos was being honest, he didn't mind. At his old school, he hadn't had any friends. Now that he was here at the new school, he was slowly getting used to the idea of letting people into his life. Not _too_ far in, though.

"All right, what am I doing?" he asked with mock resignation, grabbing the skateboard and heading into the park. There was nobody in their corner, which made him feel somewhat better about his imminent falls.

Maddy managed to help Ryos with his posture without touching him – difficult, but she respected his reluctance. It wasn't that he refused to touch people, he just preferred not to. After years of other kids punching and pushing and pinching and threatening, it was difficult to accept any kind of touch from anyone. Maddy was kind, not asking why he pulled away but instead just rolling with it.

"Okay, just... bail if you think you're gonna crash," Maddy said half an hour later, giving Ryos a thumbs-up from the bottom of the rise. They had moved closer to the center of the park, since most of the kids had headed home. Ryos frowned at Maddy hesitantly, and the drop felt a lot higher than it actually was.

"C'mon, you can do it!" Thea shouted. She waved at Ryos from her spot against the wall and he returned it half-heartedly.

"All right..." Ryos muttered under his breath, setting his feet on the board and leaning forward. As soon as he started moving, he knew he was going to fall. Suddenly there was a shout ahead of him and he looked up quickly, losing his footing entirely. The board went flying and he crashed into something soft and warm.

"Ow, fuck," the something complained, and Ryos sat up immediately, wincing at a sharp pain in his ankle. "What the actual fuck, man, that was..."

 _Oh shit,_ it was Sting. Ryos was sitting on Sting's legs, and both of them were propped up against the wall of the skate park. Blood trickled from Sting's nose and his palms were scraped, and his brows were drawn in irritation until he met Ryos' eyes.

"Shit, I'm so sorry, I'm so useless on a skateboard," Ryos rambled, trying to scramble backwards. Sting reached out and grabbed Ryos' wrist, irritation replaced by a small smile. His eyes were so blue, and Ryos couldn't stop staring.

"Hey, it's okay man," Sting said. "I'll live. You okay?" Sting ran his eyes over Ryos, leaving Ryos with a warm flush in his cheeks. "Are you hurt?"

"Oh, I'm, uh... y-yeah, I j-just, um, my ankle, b-but I'm..."

Sting gave him a grin, pushing himself to his feet and reaching down to take Ryos' hand. Ryos stumbled upwards, groaning when he put pressure on his foot.

"You probably sprained it," Sting said, pulling Ryos' arm over his shoulder and helping him to the edge of the park. Ryos' skin tingled and flushed under Sting's touch, but it wasn't unpleasant. He could see Thea and Maddy from the corner of his eye, both of them giving him a thumbs-up and keeping their distance.

"I'm, um… I'm sorry, I'm such a klutz," Ryos said quietly, letting Sting help him up. "I didn't mean—"

"Hey, I said it was okay," Sting replied, waving off one of his friends who was yelling at him from the other side of the park. He wiped the blood from his face with the back of his hand, grinning at Ryos. A small bruise was already forming on his cheekbone. "See? Let's take a look at your foot."

Sting reached down to take Ryos' shoe off and Ryos pulled away out of instinct. Sting raised his eyebrow.

"S-sorry," Ryos said, face flushing red and hot. He didn't need to make Sting think he was weird five minutes after talking to him – he could do this. He swallowed, digging his nails into his palm and stretching out his foot again.

Sting slid his shoe gently off his foot and Ryos winced as pain lanced up his ankle. Gentle hands moved his foot from side to side and Sting glanced up at Ryos, gauging his reaction.

"Well, the good news is that it's not broken," Sting said eventually, settling down next to Ryos on the lip of the park. A few kids were still skateboarding at the other end, but Sting and Ryos were mostly alone. Ryos noted that Thea and Maddy had left as well, and his backpack was propped up in the corner where they had been sitting. "The bad news is that it's sprained and is probably gonna hurt like a bitch for a bit."

"H-how do you know so much about sprained ankles?" Ryos asked, trying to ignore the fact that their hands were only inches apart.

"I play a lot of sports," Sting replied, scratching at his elbow. His arms were muscled and tanned, and dusted with thin, fine hair. "I've been scraped up a lot. You don't need to go to the doctor or anything, just ice it and take some painkillers. You got a ride home?"

"Oh. In a few hours." Ryos scratched the back of his neck. "My, uh, brother is at... work today. He was gonna come in a bit." Sting looked at him contemplatively.

"Would you... I mean, my dad is, uh, picking me up soon. Wanna come over to my place?" Sting looked at the ground and swung his feet over the edge of the park. "I promise I'm not a serial killer, but I do have Advil and ice packs." Ryos snorted. "Maybe your brother can pick you up there?"

Ryos hesitated. He'd spent third block in Miss Palmer's class without his binder on, talking poetry with her. Gajeel had helped him set up his schedule so he could do that most days, especially the ones where he had to walk home. So he didn't need to get his binder off right away, and Sting was so cute with his wild hair and his blue eyes and his pierced ear.

"Y-yeah," Ryos said after a moment, giving Sting a half-smile. "Thank you. I'm Ryos, by the way."

"I, um, I know," Sting said, cheeks flushing pink. Ryos looked at him, surprised. "I kinda asked Maddy about you."

"Oh." Ryos blinked, feeling his stomach twisting in a way that wasn't entirely unpleasant. "Why?"

"Seriously?" Sting turned to face Ryos, tilting his head to the side with puzzlement written all over his face. "Have you, I dunno, looked in a mirror?" Ryos blinked. "Oh my god you're fucking gorgeous and you don't even... you're ridiculous." Ryos felt like he couldn't breathe.

"That's... not normally how people describe me," he said quietly, mentally smacking himself for not just saying, _thanks you're super hot too._ He reached up to touch his braid self-consciously. It was usually the first thing that people picked on him for, and several people had suggested cutting it to look "more normal." But it reminded Ryos of his mom – he could remember her braiding it for him, singing to him softly in a language he'd long forgotten.

"I like your hair," Sting said shyly. "And people are idiots."

"Mhmm," Ryos agreed, trying to keep his internal freak-out from showing on his face. "I, um, I need my bag."

"I've got it," Sting assured him, hopping up and running over. Thea had left Ryos' phone balanced on top of it, and Sting handed it to Ryos as he returned. "Just so you know, my dad is kinda... a lot. He's big and loud and asks a lot of questions." Sting glanced up as an enormous white SUV pulled up outside. "You ready? I'll help you, okay?"

Ryos nodded, letting Sting take his hand and pull him to his feet. Sting picked up Ryos' backpack, then wrapped Ryos' arm around his neck. Ryos swallowed – Sting smelled like deodorant and dirt and sweat, and his hand was warm around Ryos' waist.

Sting helped Ryos take a step forward, and Ryos hissed in pain when he put pressure on his foot.

"I'm never skateboarding again," he grumbled, glancing up at Sting's cheek. "That's gonna bruise for a while." Sting laughed, shaking his head as he nudged Ryos forward. Ryos tensed a little, but exhaled softly as they started limping out the skate park and towards the SUV.

"It'll make for a good story one day," Sting said as the driver's door to the SUV opened. Then he tensed and turned to Ryos. "Oh gods, I forgot, my real name is—"

"Eugene! What happened here?" A tall, broad-shouldered man with a thick shock of white hair stepped out of the car, brow furrowed in concern. "Were you mugged? Did someone attack you? Should we call the police?"

"Dad, chill," Sting muttered. Ryos could practically _feel_ Sting rolling his eyes. "This is my friend, Ryos. He crashed into me on his skateboard, we're fine, he just sprained his ankle."

"How many times have I told you this park isn't safe," Sting's dad tutted. He gave Ryos a wide, friendly smile and reached out his hand. "Nice to meet you Ryos, I'm Wes. Are you all right?"

Ryos shook Wes' hand timidly, trying to keep a firm grip, but Wes' hand was enormous. Wes opened the back door of the car and Ryos let Sting help him hop up into the back seat.

"Nice to m-meet you too, sir," Ryos said. "I'm fine, it's just my ankle, it's really, it's nothing."

"No need for _sirs_ ," Wes said kindly, closing the door and sliding back into the front seat. Sting ran around the other side and jumped into the back with Ryos. "Just Wes is fine. We'll get you some ice when we get home, hopefully get that swelling down. Eugene, you might need an ice pack on your face as well. Gotta look good for those team photos, right?"

"Mhmm," Sting replied distractedly, mouthing _sorry_ to Ryos, who shrugged. This didn't seem so bad. His dad had never been so... present.

"Is it okay if Ryos stays for supper, dad?" Sting asked. Wes pulled away from the curb and headed north of the school, towards Willowglen. Ryos swallowed. That was where the rich people lived.

"Of course!" Wes said, glancing at them in the rear-view mirror. "Ryos, do you parents mind?"

"Um, I have to text my brother, he's at work," Ryos said, neatly dodging the subject of his parents. "But he'll be able to pick me up later." Sting gave Ryos a strange look and Ryos ignored it, reaching into his pocket for his phone.

 _Hey, I'm going to a friend's house for supper,_ he typed out. _Can you pick me up there instead of the community center? Willowglen. I'll text you the address._

"Not a problem," Wes said, turning the radio station to something poppy and generic. "Lilian always makes more than enough and I'm happy to see Eugene making friends. He can be such a difficult boy to get along with."

"Daaaaad," Sting groaned, flopping back in his seat and turning to Ryos. "I wish they had those taxi dividers in here so we could just close him off." Ryos smiled a little at that, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

The rest of the drive was uneventful – Wes asking Sting about his day, Sting giving one-word answers. It almost made Ryos miss his dad. Almost.

When they reached Sting's house, Ryos had to work hard to keep his jaw from dropping. It was enormous – bigger than the entire apartment block where Gajeel and Ryos lived. Sting didn't even blink as he helped Ryos out of the car, up the insanely long driveway, and in the front door.

"Mom, I'm home!" Sting yelled. He dropped their backpacks on the floor, kicking his shoes off and then turning to Ryos. Ryos' face burned as Sting knelt in front of him, tugging his shoes off and adding them to the pile. "You doin' okay?"

"Y-yeah," Ryos said, letting Sting wrap an arm around his waist again. Gods, this was the most anyone had touched him in years. What the hell was going on? Normally he hated this.

"Liar," Sting replied, leading Ryos past the staircase and into a living room. He settled Ryos onto the couch, turning him sideways and shoving a cushion under his throbbing ankle. "I'm gonna grab some ice and some painkillers. I'll be right back, okay?"

Ryos felt a thrum of panic run through him as Sting left the room, but he took the time to look around. It wasn't as fancy as he'd been expecting – no frills or intricate embroidery, just dark wood furniture and a glass-topped coffee table.

A buzzing from Ryos' pocket made him jump, and he opened it to see a text from Gajeel.

 _yeah but im gona be late like 8:30 somethin came up._

Ryos groaned, dropping his phone on his chest and covering his eyes. When he heard Sting's footsteps in the hall, he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

"Here." Sting made his way back into the room with an ice pack wrapped in a tea towel. He sat down on the couch and lifted up Ryos' ankle, wrapping the ice around it and settling it back neatly on his lap. Ryos swallowed, feeling a hot flush run up his chest. Sting handed him a glass of water and a couple of Advil, and Ryos swallowed them gratefully.

"Thanks," he said. Sting took the glass back and placed it on the coffee table, then glanced at the kitchen and hurriedly grabbed a coaster for it.

"My mom's a little crazy about the house being clean," he explained, grinning at Ryos. His smile made Ryos glad he was sitting down. "Anyway, so... yeah. This is my house." Sting looked shy, suddenly. "My, um... my real name is Eugene but I hate it, like, who's named Eugene? So I go by Sting." Ryos made a sympathetic face, thinking of his years of being someone else.

"I get it," he said quietly. He was still processing all the information from the afternoon. After months of watching Sting from a distance, Sting had not only _spoken_ to Ryos, but called him gorgeous and invited him to his house. Everything felt sort of... surreal.

"So, um, you're in theatre club?" Sting asked, shifting awkwardly. His hand was still resting on Ryos' ankle, keeping the ice pack from falling off.

"Oh. Yeah." Ryos felt his cheeks flush. "D-did Maddy tell you that?" Sting didn't answer, just gave a short nod without making eye contact. "Yeah, it's... probably my favorite part of school. We're doing 'Footloose' this year. Do you like plays?"

"Not really," Sting admitted, and Ryos felt his heart sink a bit with disappointment. "But I'd, um... I'd watch one if _you_ were in it."

 _Oh Jesus,_ the things that did to Ryos' heart. Was Sting flirting with him? Was he gay? He seemed pretty popular at his school, and from Ryos' experience, the gay kids weren't usually the popular ones. Was this just Sting's idea of being friendly?

"I, uh..." Ryos stammered, grabbing one of the couch cushions and pulling it to his chest. "Th-thank you?" Sting gave him a shy smile. "Do you... what. Do." _God fucking damnit._ "For fun, I mean."

"Oh! Well, I play soccer," Sting said, settling comfortably into the couch. "And baseball, and lacrosse. Lots of sports, I guess."

"Yeah, you look like you play sports," Ryos said without thinking before nearly groaning in embarrassment. Sting didn't seem to notice, though – he had stopped talking entirely and was gazing at the floor. Ryos frowned. "Hey, you okay?" Sting didn't respond; his eyes were dull and unfocused. "Sting?" Ryos reached out to touch Sting's shoulder and Sting startled, sitting up and glancing around in confusion.

"S-sorry," he said uncertainly, hand tightening over the ice pack. "Must have zoned out. Busy day." Ryos nodded, and an awkward silence fell over them.

"My, um... my brother said he's going to be late," Ryos said after a moment. He felt the tips of his ears burn at the admission, fearful of a barrage of questions from Sting. Instead Sting shrugged, then tilted his head as a voice came down the hall announcing that dinner was ready.

"That's cool," he said, helping Ryos stand. "We can play videogames or something." Then he draped Ryos' arm around his shoulders once more and grinned. "Now, how hungry are you?"

* * *

"What the fuck, Gajeel?" Ryos glared at his brother, who had the decency to look ashamed. The cut on the bridge of his nose wasn't deep, but the bruising under his eyes let Ryos know that it had been broken, and Gajeel had reset it himself. It wasn't the first time. "You were supposed to be at a program that stops you from doing shit like this!"

"I wasn—"

"I can't believe you were late because you got in a fight." Ryos sighed, throwing his backpack on the couch and running his hands over his face. "It's like _you're_ the child here. In case you forgot, I'm _fifteen_ _."_

"I _know_ that," Gajeel growled, stalking into the kitchen and tugging open the fridge door. He stared at its contents for a moment – Ryos knew from this morning that it contained an apple, half a jug of milk and some likely expired yogurt – then slammed it shut and turned back to Ryos. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"Who punched you?" Ryos demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Was it drugs again?" Gajeel winced. "I fucking _knew_ it, what the hell? You're gonna end up back in juvie and I'm gonna end up back in a group home!"

"I'm not gonna end up back in juvie," Gajeel grumbled, picking at his nails nervously. Ryos frowned when he realized that Gajeel had no marks on his own hands.

"You didn't hit back?" That was unlike him.

"It was that French kid," Gajeel said finally, leaning against the counter and sighing. "Lyon's brother."

"Gray?" Ryos asked in surprise. Gajeel nodded. Ryos had only vague memories of Gray. He'd always been cold and unfriendly, and had been the one who'd gotten Gajeel and his own brother, Lyon, arrested for selling drugs. "So he's in the program too?"

"Mmm. Sherry told me Lyon shot him. Nearly killed him too, and now he's in for twenty-five."

"Shit. That's messed up," Ryos said. He slumped down on the couch, wincing at the pain in his ankle. "I thought you hated him. Why didn't you hit him back?"

"Cause despite what you think, I'm not a complete moron," Gajeel said. "Look, another kid there... he had some stuff I could have sold. I shook him down for it and Gray stood up for him. I didn't wanna get into it, so I bailed, okay?"

"But _why?"_ Ryos asked, exasperated. "Drugs is what got you in trouble in the first place. I don't wanna go back to a group home. I can't. They'd..." He trailed off, feeling his throat close up. He'd only been in the home for two months while Gajeel served his sentence, but it had been awful.

"We can't afford your meds this month," Gajeel said, voice nearly a whisper. Ryos stopped breathing. The testosterone? But... "I got barely enough for food and rent, and you've got that field trip comin' up—"

"Fuck the field trip," Ryos interrupted, waving his hands in the air. "That's... so not important. What happened to the money from the garage?" Gajeel had been helping out a friend and getting paid under the table, since nobody wanted to hire him with his criminal record.

"Jack decided to get back into meth," Gajeel said roughly. "I'm... fuck, I'm sorry. You deserve better than this."

Ryos felt like he'd been punched in the chest as he watched his twenty-one-year-old, tough-as-nails brother break down and start to cry. Gajeel covered his face with his hands, clearly embarrassed as his breath caught and his shoulders shook.

"D-don't... it's not your fault," Ryos said softly, standing up and limping over to his brother. He reached out a tentative hand, placing it on Gajeel's forearm. Gajeel didn't respond and Ryos sighed, leaning over and hugging him. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."

"I dunno what to do," Gajeel admitted, wrapping an arm around Ryos. "I don't wanna lose you."

"You're not gonna lose me," Ryos insisted. "Let me talk to Miss Gifford again." He groaned internally, picturing the sad, sympathetic eyes and the soft voice and the _pity_ that oozed out of his school counsellor. "She can get emergency funding to cover the meds and..." He swallowed, hating his next words. "They're not a necessity. I can go off. And back on again later."

"No way," Gajeel growled, looking at Ryos intently. "I want you to be happy, and you're happier like this. I'm sorry I fucked up." He let go of Ryos and ran a hand through his wild hair. "Seeing Gray just... made me so mad. An' I know I was wrong, with the drugs an' shit, but he still pisses me off. But the shit with Lyon... I dunno. I could never hurt you like that."

"That's 'cause I could kick your ass," Ryos joked, shifting to keep pressure off his foot.

"So, who's this boy?" Gajeel asked, changing the subject and raising an eyebrow at Ryos, who felt his ears go red. "His house is pretty fancy."

Ryos hobbled to the fridge, taking out the apple and grabbing a paring knife. He sliced it in half and handed part to Gajeel, who took it and sighed.

"His name's Sting," Ryos said, moving back into the living room and settling back down on the couch. They didn't have a kitchen table, just the ratty sofa and a folding card table that they'd found in the back alley one day.

"What kinda name's Sting?" Gajeel scoffed, finishing his apple off in three bites. Ryos rolled his eyes.

"Like you're one to talk," he muttered. "And it's not his real name, but he prefers to go by Sting. Kinda like me." Gajeel looked chagrined and nodded. "Anyway, he goes to the Catholic school down the hill. We just happened to be at the skate park at the same time."

"Uh huh," Gajeel said. "And he just happened to invite you over to his house even though I've never heard of him before? You never go to your friend's houses. What's up?"

"Let it go, you're not my mom," Ryos growled, immediately regretting the words as Gajeel's face fell. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Gajeel sighed, running a hand over his face.

"It's all right," he said after a moment. "You're right, I'm not. I'm just tryin' to do this right. So I don't fuck it up with my own kid, y'know?" Ryos nodded.

"How's Levy?" he asked hesitantly. He had nothing against Gajeel's girlfriend – she was incredibly sweet and kind-hearted. And also incredibly pregnant with Gajeel's kid, which meant she was moving in at the end of December.

"Good," Gajeel said, face softening. "We heard the baby's heartbeat again yesterday." Ryos smiled – he rarely saw this side of his brother. Gajeel looked up at Ryos, eyes serious. "I know you don't want her to—"

"I really don't want to talk about it," Ryos interrupted, shaking his head. They'd had this discussion a hundred times, in a hundred ways, and he was _not_ getting into it tonight. "Do we have anything else in the cupboards?" Gajeel shook his head.

"Food bank's on Thursday," he said, voice tinged with embarrassment. Ryos shook his head, forcing himself to smile and act like it wasn't important. He was glad for the enormous meal he'd had at Sting's - it would tide him over until lunch tomorrow.

"Wanna watch something?" Ryos asked, gesturing to the laptop on the counter. Gajeel shrugged, picking it up and setting on the card table. "We have to finish that documentary."

Rogue sighed as the film started, sinking back into the couch. Being at Sting's had made it so very clear how little he and Gajeel had – he would be mortified if Sting saw their shitty apartment, their ratty couch, their bare living room, their empty fridge, their tiny bedrooms with the mattresses on the floor. Ryos couldn't fault Gajeel; he was trying as hard as he could, and even this was better than a group home. Being forced to change in front of other kids. Having people know his secret.

"Relax an' watch the damn show," Gajeel grumbled. "I can hear you grinding your teeth from here." Ryos huffed out a laugh, then turned his attention back to the laptop. Maybe if he paid enough attention to it, he could ignore the sinking feeling he had about talking to the counsellor tomorrow.


	2. a tentative attraction

"I think I should contact your case worker."

Ryos' stomach dropped out of him as Mrs Gifford tapped her pencil against her desk, giving him her trademark compassionate stare. He dug his fingernails into his palms, trying not to look desperate. He'd waited a week before asking for the emergency funds, putting it off until he only had enough for three more days.

"It's not...she's really busy and Gajeel has a meeting with her on Tuesday," he lied, hoping like hell that she wouldn't check. "I promise, this is the last time..." He trailed off, looking down at his torn sneakers. His toes were starting to poke through already – he'd have to duct tape them again. "The insurance covers most of it, it's just the last twenty dollars."

His face was burning, heat flushing from his cheeks to the tips of his ears. He heard Mrs Gifford sigh, then pull something out of her drawer. She pushed a sheet of paper across the desk to Ryos and he glanced up at it, relief rushing through him.

"Just fill out the pharmacy information here," she said, tapping on one of the fields. "We'll take care of the rest. But I have to tell you that the emergency funds here are very limited." Ryos could feel tears pushing behind his eyes and he nodded, swallowing hard. "This is something to speak to your case worker about next time."

"Yes ma'am," he whispered, grabbing the pen and scribbling down the information. He didn't want to mention that the last time Gajeel had a meeting with Julie, his worker, she'd threatened to put Ryos back in a group home. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said, smiling as he stood. "You're a smart kid, Ryos. I know high school isn't easy, but it'll get better." He tried not to roll his eyes. "College will be here before you know it, and there you can be whoever you want to be."

 _As if I'm going to be able to afford college,_ Ryos thought, sighing and trying his best to smile. Then he nodded and pushed the door open, stumbling out into a hallway full of kids moving from class.

"There you are!" A large hand came down on his shoulder and Ryos jumped, but settled when he realized it was just Nadev. The tall boy was wearing a bright blue _patka_ today and it brightened Ryos' mood a bit. He and Nadev had bonded at the beginning of the school year when they were both teased for being "the Indian kid", even though it had only been true for one of them. "Thea and Maddy are at the rec center. What were you doing with the counsellor?"

"Oh, uh..." Ryos scrambled for an explanation and was distracted by a large body being shoved against his. He tripped backward and was saved from falling by Nadev's hand on his back. Before the person who'd fallen on him could say something, Ryos grabbed Nadev's sleeve and tugged him away. He'd had enough of other people's bullshit today.

They made their way through the crowds of kids, Ryos shivering anytime another student brushed up against him. _Fuck_ , this was why he normally waited in homeroom until the hallways were clear before leaving the school. Too many people. Too many hands and arms and people _touching_ him, and everything smelled like sweat and garbage and _oh god_ Ryos was going to throw up.

"Are you okay?" Nadev put a hand on Ryos' shoulder as they burst through the doors but Ryos shrugged him off violently. _Don't touch me,_ he thought, shaking his head and trying to calm his erratic breathing. He darted away from the school and leaned back against the chain-link fence, running his hands over his face.

Nadev kept his distance, using his lanky body as a barrier between Ryos and everyone else while the dark-haired boy leaned forward on his knees and took several deep breaths. After a moment the panic faded, leaving behind only a hot flush of shame in his cheeks.

"How long can you spend tying your shoelaces?" Nadev turned to Ryos with a grin on his face, tipping his head toward the rec center. "You are so slow." Gratitude swelled in Ryos' chest as he took one final deep breath and followed his friend out of the school yard and down the road.

* * *

"Hey! You came back!" Ryos looked up in surprise as he walked in the door of the skate park. It had been a week since he'd been to the park – between theater rehearsals and studying for his exams, he hadn't had the time to come back to the community center. Sting was standing there, chatting with Maddy, looking ridiculously gorgeous as usual. The bruise on his face had faded from ugly purple to a greenish-yellow, and he grinned around it and waved Ryos over.

"H-hey," Ryos stammered. Sting spun his skateboard on top of his foot and nodded at Nadev, who slumped down on the edge of the skate park next to Thea.

"'sup, Dev?" Nadev shrugged, bringing up his fist to bump it against Sting's. "We play soccer together," Sting explained in response to Ryos' bemused expression. He hadn't known that Nadev and Sting knew each other. "I, uh, I like your bracelet."

Ryos glanced down at the leather band wrapped around his wrist, intricately decorated with a reddish stone set in the center. His fingers drifted over it, pushing it self-consciously back up under his sleeves. It had been his father's, and it filled Ryos with mixed emotions when he wore it.

"Thanks," he said, glancing up at Sting. The other boy gave him a wide smile and gestured to his skateboard.

"Wanna learn how to not crash into people?"

"Oi! I'll have you know he was doing a great job before you got in his way." Maddy kicked Sting in the shin and he yelped, jumping backward and dropping the skateboard. "And he sprained his ankle thanks to that, remember?"

"Yeah...right, sorry." Sting's cheeks turned pink and he glanced down at the floor. "Look, I..." He looked at Ryos' friends, blush deepening, then swallowed hard and turned to Ryos. "Can I, I mean do you...I feel bad, I was just...do you want to maybe, I could get you coffee or something? As an apology?"

Ryos blinked – was Sting asking him out? Or was this just a friendly apology for an incident that wasn't even his fault? And did he-

"I mean you don't, you don't have to," Sting stammered, taking a half-step back. Ryos shook his head frantically.

"No, I mean...yeah." He smiled shyly at Sting, fiddling with his bracelet. "Yeah, that's...good. Cool." He could hear Thea cough to cover a laugh and he nearly kicked her.

"Cool," said Sting, obviously relieved. He grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. "Are you free, um, like, right now?" Ryos glanced up at the clock on the wall – it was only four, and Gajeel wasn't supposed to pick him up until six.

"Yes." He was glad for the way his dark skin hid the blush that was rising through his cheeks and spreading to his ears. "That's...sure." Sting smiled widely at him at Ryos felt his hands trembling a bit. God _damn_ Sting was hot.

"Cool, I'm just gonna grab my backpack." He turned and dropped his skateboard to the ground, kicking off and rolling through the obstacles in the park. Ryos let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding and sat down next to Nadev.

"I can't believe you got a date with him!" Maddy hissed excitedly, going to punch Ryos in the leg but withdrawing her hand at the last moment. Ryos blinked a few times, shaking his head to clear out the stunned confusion. "He's so into you."

"You...you think so?" Ryos chewed on his lip nervously, watching Sting banter with his school friends while picking up his bag. "I just...he's, maybe it's just-"

"Dude. He called you gorgeous." Thea nudged him and he shifted away from her. He'd texted her and Nadev last night, telling them about his encounter with Sting, but all they'd done was teased him and send him heart emojis. "That's hella gay. Bros don't call other bros 'gorgeous'."

"That's...not..." Ryos sighed, quickly undoing the braid in his hair and re-plaiting it, tucking in all the pieces that had fallen out during the day. "He's-"

"Hey, fuck you man!" Ryos looked up to see Sting glaring angrily at one of his friends, shoulders rolled back and hands balled into fists. "Don't be such an asshole." The boy glanced over Sting's shoulder and his gaze landed directly on Ryos, whose hands suddenly felt very sweaty.

"You don't even know him, man, he just stares at your ass all the time." The boy – who Ryos recognized as a track star named Brock – had barely finished his sentence when Sting tackled him, shoving him up against the edge of the park.

"I _said_ , don't be an asshole," he growled, stumbling back as Brock shoved him away. Ryos got to his feet and started moving toward the altercation, hands balled into fists.

"Why do you care about him anyway?" Brock said, stepping forward and shoving Sting again. "He's just some poor Indian kid." The boy sneered, looking over to Ryos again. "Heard his brother's in jail too."

Ryos winced, coming to a stop and taking a step back. His heart was pounding and his chest shook with adrenaline – how did Brock know? And if he knew that, how did he know Ryos' secret? What if he knew and he told Sting and then Sting never wanted to talk to him again because he was a-

"You're such a fuck," Sting spat, shaking his head at Brock. "Screw you, I don't need this shit." He turned toward Ryos and gave him an apologetic smile.

"Can't believe you're siding with some quee-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, give it up," Sting sighed, turning back to Brock. "You're ju-"

Sting stopped speaking in mid-sentence, hands falling down to his sides. Brock was already moving, ready to shove Sting backwards again, but Sting didn't raise his arms in self-defense. Ryos shouted at Brock but it was too late – the taller boy's hands were already on Sting's shoulders, shoving him to the ground. Sting fell to the hard and a loud _crack_ could be heard as his head hit the floor of the park.

"What the hell did you do?" Ryos darted over, dropping to his knees beside Sting, who was blinking in confusion and wincing. Brock stood over them, puzzled expression on his face.

"Fuck, that hurts," Sting groaned, letting Ryos help him sit up. He brought his hand to the back of his head and made a soft sound of pain. It wasn't bleeding, but Ryos was sure it was going to swell and bruise.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking worriedly at Sting. "That looked like it hurt."

"Yeah, I'm...fine." Ryos stood and helped the blond boy to his feet. Sting blinked a few times, shaking his head and then glaring at Brock. "You can fuck the hell off." Then he grabbed Ryos' arm and tugged him toward the door. "C'mon, let's go."

* * *

They walked in silence for a bit. Ryos had started to ask about what happened, but Sting's shoulders had been hunched in a way that made it clear that he didn't want to talk about it.

It was mid-December now and the wind was cold, easily piercing through Ryos' threadbare jacket. His knee was cold, too – his jeans had a hole in them from his fall last week. He was pissed about it; it was so hard to find jeans that fit him.

"I'm sorry." Sting's first words since they left the rec center hung in the air between them, heavy and loaded. "They're such..."

"Why do you hang out with them?" Ryos asked, realizing as soon as the words left his mouth that they should have been _thank you_. Sting sighed, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and letting out a frosty puff of breath that hung in the air.

"Better than being alone, I guess?" He said after a moment. His voice was soft and almost sad, and Ryos sighed, nudging Sting with his shoulder.

"You're not alone," he said, knowing it sounded trite and cliched but not really caring. Sting huffed out a laugh, glancing over at Ryos. A red hoop hung from his ear today, and Ryos thought it suited him. "I mean," Ryos added, "we...my friends. You can hang out. With us?"

Sting gave a sad smile, nodding and turning his gaze back to the pavement. He kicked a rock down the sidewalk, watching it bounce down a storm drain.

"Thanks," he said eventually. "It's just...at school. My, um, my dad likes me to play sports, and they're the kids from my teams. And I mean, I try to say stuff, like when they pick on Dev or whatever. But I don't really know anybody else at my school." He picked at his fingernails.

"Do you not like sports?" Ryos asked.

"I like soccer," Sting said hurriedly. "And water polo." Ryos swallowed at the image of Sting in the pool, shirtless and diving under the water. "I don't mind playing, it's just..." He shook his head suddenly, running a hand over his face. "It's not important. I'm just sorry they were assholes."

"It's okay," Ryos said, even though it very, definitely wasn't. Sting still hadn't mentioned the 'poor Indian kid' comment, and Ryos hoped he wouldn't bring it up. "Thank you for standing up for me." Sting shrugged.

"They can't just...say shit like that about people." He gestured for Ryos to turn right down main street. They were heading towards the beach, which wasn't very busy this time of year. "I'd hate it if they said stuff about me." Before Ryos could ask, Sting hurriedly changed the subject. "So, how's the play going?"

* * *

"...so then Dev accidentally shut the lights out and Mason just kept walking and fell off the stage!" Ryos grinned as Sting burst out laughing. With his head tipped back and his wide smile, Sting seemed to light up the room. Ryos still wasn't certain how he managed to be sitting at a café, looking out over the beach, across from the guy he'd been crushing on for the last two months. It was still unclear to him whether or not this was a date, but he was enjoying the time together regardless.

"Sounds like theatre is fun," Sting said, and Ryos could detect a note of jealousy in his voice. "You've got cool friends."

The blond boy sipped at his Italian soda, giving Ryos a strange look. Their feet bumped under the table and Ryos went to shift away, but Sting didn't move. Ryos swallowed, deciding to leave it there for the time being. _Gods_ , he wanted this to be a date.

"Your parents must be cool to let you do theatre," Sting continued, playing with his straw. Before he could contemplate the strange comment, Ryos' stomach started to twist uncomfortably. He wasn't sure he was ready to talk about his parents. "My dad is just always on my case about shit. Does yours leave you alone at least?"

 _Shit_. Ryos exhaled, taking a bite out of his muffin and chewing for as long as possible before responding.

"I, uh, I live with my brother." He didn't look up at Sting, just kept his eyes on the intricate pattern on his china plate. Sting had insisted on paying and Ryos had tried to order the cheapest thing possible – a black coffee – but Sting had told him he was boring and decided to order for both of them. Secretly Ryos had been relieved. He hadn't eaten since dinner last night, and the muffin – and the half of Sting's cinnamon bun that he'd insisted on sharing – had been amazing.

"Oh." Sting sounded uncertain. "I didn't..."

"It's okay," Ryos said, chewing on his lip. "My mom died when I was little, and dad earlier this year. So Gajeel and I live together." The words were soft and unsure, and the knots in his stomach were becoming more intricate.

"I'm sorry," Sting said, but Ryos shook his head.

"It's fine, really." He bounced his leg under the table. "I don't...my dad and I didn't get along. And my brother is cool." Hopefully Gajeel never found out he said that.

"Was he...really in jail?" Sting groaned as soon as the words were out of his mouth. "I'm sorry, that's none of my business."

"No, it isn't," Ryos agreed, chewing on his lip. "But yes, he was. Juvie. He's out now, it was only a couple of months." He finally managed to glance up at Sting, who was giving him a sort of sad look. _Please don't look at me like that,_ Ryos thought desperately. _Don't pity me. I have enough people in my life who do that._

"That's kinda badass." Sting's words took a moment to register with Ryos and he frowned at the other boy, who was grinning. "I dunno, it's like a TV show or something. Your brother is this tough, badass guy who would kill a man to keep you safe." He mimed holding a gun with both hands and Ryos snorted. Sting turned to him, suddenly concerned. "He didn't kill a man, did he?"

"He did _two months_ in juvie, idiot," Ryos said, rolling his eyes. "He's not dange- well, okay, he's a little dangerous and he looks scary. But he's not..." He trailed off.

"It's cool that you live with him, though," Sting said. Ryos started a little as Sting's foot moved against him. Their legs were pressed against each other now and Sting was shifting his foot so that it brushed against Ryos' calf. Ryos stopped breathing. "My sister's way older than me, she's off in college in Toronto. We don't talk much."

"Th-that sucks," Ryos stuttered, trying not to focus too hard on Sting's foot. Did the other boy know he was touching Ryos' leg? The knots in Ryos' stomach were quickly being replaced by butterflies at the sensation.

"Nah, we aren't close," Sting said, drinking down the last of his soda and offering Ryos the last bite of his cinnamon bun. Ryos was about to argue, but Sting grinned, shaking his head and holding it out near Ryos' mouth. _Holy shit,_ did he expect Ryos to eat it from his _hand?_

Ryos swallowed, a warm feeling flooding through him from the back of his head and into his cheeks. This had to be a date. Sting was flirting with him, right? Fuck, Ryos had never been on a date before, had no frame of reference for what was-

"Take it." Sting was still smiling at him, holding out the rest of the cinnamon bun but offering it lower, no longer at his mouth. Ryos grabbed it with a shaky hand and then popped it into his mouth, cheeks still flushed under Sting's gaze. "Perfect. Wanna head to the beach?"

Ryos glanced down at his phone – it was nearly five thirty. He shook his head apologetically. "I gotta – Gajeel's picking me up soon." Gajeel worked tonight – he'd found another part-time job that involved cars somehow, so he couldn't be late. Sting's eyebrows furrowed in disappointment, then his face brightened.

"My dad can drop you off! He said he can pick me up down here whenever." Ryos nearly agreed, seeing the smile on Sting's face, but then he realized that Mr Eucliffe dropping him off would mean that Sting would see the crappy building where he lived, and realize that they were from wildly different worlds, and never speak to him again.

"I can't- we've got, um..." Sting's face fell again and Ryos' chest hurt. _Fuck_ , he wanted nothing more than to stay with him, to walk the beach and watch the sunset and maybe hold hands. He chewed his lip. "Hang on, lemme check with Gajeel."

 _My friend is gonna give me a ride home today, don't worry about picking me up._

He waited several seconds, keeping his eyes on his phone.

 _u mean ur boyfriend? ok can u leave somthin out for me if u cook?_

 _He's not my boyfriend. And yes. Love you._

 _love u too._

"It's cool, Gajeel actually said he can pick me up at the rec center later," Ryos lied, shoving his phone back in his pocket. Walking wouldn't be that bad – forty-five minutes was nothing if it meant getting to spend more time with Sting. "Wanna...go?"

The beach wasn't far from the café and they walked along the seawall, bordered by trees on one side and the ocean on the other. Ryos loved to come here in the summer – the walking trails were beautiful and he could always find somewhere to curl up and write in peace.

"Hey, um...can I ask you something?" Sting had his hands in his pockets and he turned to Ryos, frowning. The sun was setting and it highlighted his face in all the right places, making Ryos' stomach do that ridiculous gymnastics routine again.

"Uh, yeah?" He licked his lips, keeping his own hands shoved in his hoodie. The wind was picking up and he was starting to get chilly, but he wasn't about to complain.

"Do...are you..." Sting sighed, running his hand over his face. "Gods, this is embarrassing." The butterflies started sinking, one by one. "I know...those kids were, y'know, saying shit. But I dunno if...are you gay?" Sting's eyes were fixed on the toes of his sneakers, and he was staring like he'd never inspected them before.

"Oh." Ryos blinked. That wasn't the question he'd been expecting. "Uh, yeah." He pulled his hoodie tighter around him as they walked past a particularly windy spot that stuck out over the ocean. An enormous rock jutted out of the center of the outcropping, and they hid behind it, shivering.

"That's...good," Sting said, swallowing. "'cause I kinda like you, and I was hoping this could be a date, but you're really, um, hard to read. So I didn't know if you felt, well, if you wanted it to be a date, or if you even knew I was gay but like, how do you bring that up without being super awkward, right-"

"Sting." Ryos reached out and grabbed the blond boy's hands, pulling him a little closer. "I kinda like you too." The butterflies had returned and this time it was in full force, quivering as Sting stepped even closer into his space. One of Sting's hands slid up Ryos' arm, lightly touching his shoulder and then drifting to the back of his neck.

"I kinda wanna kiss you," Sting admitted, smile hesitant and hopeful. Ryos considered the hand on his neck – it didn't feel like a threat. It was okay there, Sting was okay there, and he wanted this. Holy hell, did he want this.

"I'd like that," he murmured as Sting leaned forward and brushed their lips together.

Ryos made a soft sound as Sting pushed him gently back against the rock, cupping the back of his neck as they kissed. It was awkward to find a rhythm at first – noses kept bumping and at one point Sting stepped on Ryos' foot – but as far as first kisses went, Ryos was incredibly satisfied.

"So this _was_ a date then?" Ryos said softly when they broke apart. Sting's cheeks were flushed pink, although Ryos couldn't tell if it was from the kiss or the cold. Sting laughed, pressing his lips to Ryos' cheek.

"Mhmm," he said shyly, taking Ryos' hand. "If that's okay."

"Yeah," said Ryos, drawing Sting in for another kiss. "That's more than okay."


	3. a painful accident

Dating Sting was a whirlwind. It wasn't that he was _needy_ , he was just always _there_. And Ryos wasn't going to complain, but it made things tricky.

Life became a delicate balancing act – theatre rehearsal, schoolwork, friends, going to Sting's indoor soccer practice. Staying late after school meant taking more breaks _during_ school, which meant making up more excuses to Thea and Nadev as to why he was missing lunch with them. As far as they knew, he was taking an extra credit course, when in reality he was sitting around in a baggy sweater doing homework in Mrs Gifford's office.

"Hey, you." Sting bumped Ryos' shoulder as he sat down next to him at the skate park, letting their fingers touch between them. They weren't necessarily hiding the fact that they were dating, but making it obvious around their classmates was just asking for trouble. Kisses and real hand-holding were saved for walks through the park and lazy afternoons in Sting's bedroom.

"Hey." Ryos leaned his head on Sting's for a moment, then sat up, looking out over the park to see Maddy and Thea showing off on one of the ramps. Sting didn't say anything, just sagged against Ryos a little. Ryos turned to look at him. "You okay?"

"Mmm." Sting didn't sound enthusiastic. He picked at the threads from a hole in his jeans and bounced his leg against the wall of the park. "I dunno."

"What's wrong?" Ryos slid their fingers together, hidden well between them, and squeezed Sting's hand.

"School stuff," Sting mumbled, running his thumb over Ryos'. "My teacher wants to have a meeting with my parents." Ryos frowned. They _had_ actually done homework together before – when they weren't kissing on Sting's bed – and Sting had always seemed like a good student. "She says I don't pay attention."

"But you do?"

"I think...I dunno." Sting sighed in frustration. "I like math. I just..." He turned and buried his face in Ryos' shoulder, earning him a shout of _gaaaaay_ from his old friends. He flipped them off half-heartedly. "Just...I'm listening, and then it's like she's asking me something and I just...I didn't hear her?" He huffed. "I'm _trying_. I don't want dad to be mad."

"When's your meeting?" Ryos asked. Sting snorted.

"Probably next year," he mumbled. "Dad's gone again to Hong Kong and mom's got all her board stuff going on." Ryos nudged Sting gently. Other than the first time he'd visited Sting's house, he hadn't seen his boyfriend's parents much. Usually they got there after school to find a sticky note on the fridge and plates of dinner in the microwave.

"Wanna go for a walk?" Ryos asked, changing the subject. It was snowing today - light, fluffy flakes that melted as soon as they touched the sidewalk. Sting made a happy noise and pushed himself to his feet, pulling Ryos up with him.

They waved goodbye to the rest of the group, then headed out the rear door of the center, making their way down to the park where they'd walked together on their first date. Now that they were out of sight of the school, Ryos reached over and grabbed Sting's hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing.

"How's the play stuff going?" Sting asked, kicking rocks out of the way and glancing over at Ryos. He had flakes of snow stuck in his hair and Ryos grinned, reaching up to brush them away.

"Good," he said. "We've got a bunch of rehearsals before Christmas." He chewed on his lower lip, turning to look at Sting. "Do you...they're, um, they're selling tickets now. And we get a couple, so of course my brother's coming, but do you..."

"Yeah." Sting grinned, leaning over and kissing Ryos on the cheek. "I wanna come. But do I have to sit with your brother? 'Cause I'm still scared of him." Ryos snorted.

"You haven't even met him," he protested. Sting gave him a look.

"No, I haven't," he said pointedly. Ryos frowned.

"Do you...want to?" He hadn't considered that. He'd met both of Sting's parents, but they didn't know that the two of them were dating. Neither did Gajeel, he supposed.

"I guess?" Sting looked shy, suddenly, and he dropped his gaze to the ground. They were almost at the park, which was nearly deserted. "I dunno, you've been to my place and stuff, and you know my parents...I just...I don't know much about your life, I guess."

Ryos' stomach clenched into a tight ball. _Shit_. There was a reason for that.

"Not much to know," Ryos shrugged, trying to keep up an air of nonchalance. They'd already talked about his parents – touched briefly on his mom's death when he was young, and his dad's passing a year ago. Ryos never delved into any of it. He didn't think about those things, and Sting didn't need to either.

"Why don't we go to your place one day?" Sting suggested, tugging Ryos off the path and into the park. Ryos' stomach churned, chest heavy. There was no way he was bringing Sting back to his shithole of an apartment. It was still tiny, cramped, and never had food in the fridge - they didn't even have a kitchen table.

"There's nobody here," he said, changing the subject. A light dusting of snow stuck to the grass, certain to melt by tomorrow morning. Sting nudged Rogue and pointed to a rabbit, ears pressed flat against its head while it watched them cautiously. They both stared at it silently until it deemed it safe to hop away.

"It's so quiet," Sting whispered, looking up and sticking out his tongue. Ryos giggled as Sting attempted to catch the flakes of snow that drifted down around them, then turned back and grabbed both of Ryos' arms. "C'mere." Sting backed Ryos up until he was leaning against one of the larger trees in the park. A cloud of snow trickled down through the branches and into their hair, making Sting yelp and shake his head.

"Someone could see us," Ryos protested half-heartedly as Sting stepped closer, settling his hands on Ryos' hips and pulling him in for a kiss. Ryos sighed, bringing his arms up around Sting's neck and brushing his hands through his boyfriend's hair. He loved this. The warm feeling in his stomach that soothed away the anxiety, the fingers wrapped around his hips, the lips pressed against his that made him sigh with contentment.

"I really like kissing you," Sting murmured against his lips, moving a hand up to Ryos' side and dipping the other under his sweater. Ryos tensed immediately, not pulling away but ready to if Sting tried to slide a hand up his shirt. They hadn't done much other than kissing so far, and Ryos knew that Sting was respecting Ryos' reluctance. Sting's hand didn't move, he just brushed his thumb over the skin above Ryos' jeans.

"I like kissing you, too," Ryos said softly, pulling Sting in closer and kissing under his ear. Sting let out a soft breath and gripped Ryos' hip a little harder, pressing them closer together. Ryos swallowed, trying to focus on the soft kisses he was pressing to Sting's neck, but hyperaware of their bodies - their very _different_ bodies – pressing together.

"You okay?" Sting drew back a little and looked at Ryos, frowning. "I didn't mean-"

"It's fine," Ryos insisted, immediately feeling guilty and trying to tug Sting back in. _Fuck_ , this wasn't fair to Sting. He didn't know better, he didn't know that his boyfriend was actu-

"You don't look fine," Sting argued, brushing Ryos' hair out of his face.

"I just...don't feel good." It wasn't a lie. He felt miserable, a heavy pit forming in his stomach. He had to tell Sting. He couldn't keep leading him on like this.

"Is Gajeel working late again tonight?" Ryos nodded, running his hand down Sting's hoodie. "Why don't you come over and we'll watch TV or something."

"I've, um...I need to..." he hesitated, biting the inside of his cheek. Already his ears were burning and he felt like he was going to throw up. He had to tell Sting. He couldn't.

"C'mon," Sting said, grabbing Ryos' hand and tugging him back toward the path. There was no hint of disappointment in his voice, but Ryos felt guilty all the same. "You promised you'd watch Top Gear with me." He turned to Ryos and grinned.

Ryos let himself smile. He didn't care about cars or racing at all, but he was willing to put up with it if it meant he got to cuddle with Sting. The tension in his chest loosened a bit as Sting pulled him close, wrapping an arm around his waist and kissing the side of his head.

Maybe that talk could wait until later.

* * *

"Howcome I never see you anymore?" Ryos looked up from the couch, surprised. Gajeel was standing over him, arms crossed over his chest, looking grumpy.

"What do you mean?" Ryos set his book down as Gajeel settled onto the couch next to him. "I'm here right now."

"Don't be a smartass," Gajeel growled, cuffing Ryos gently on the back of the head. "You know what I mean. I'm not tryin' to pry, I just wanna know if you're okay." He was clearly embarrassed to be having this conversation, but they'd had much more awkward talks. Gajeel had been the one to teach Ryos about periods and try to help him through the awkward phase of puberty, so he doubted anything could top that.

"I'm fine," Ryos insisted, tucking his legs under him. "I just..." he trailed off, chewing on his lower lip. Gajeel had already teased him about Sting being his boyfriend, but he wasn't certain if his older brother knew he was actually gay. He'd heard Gajeel use some homophobic language in the past, but he was fairly certain it was a result of who he'd been hanging out with, not his own beliefs.

"Just what?" Gajeel asked, frowning, and Ryos realized he'd trailed off into silence.

"I made some new friends." He looked down at his nails, black polish flaking off. Maddy had painted them but she was terrible at it. "We're just hanging out. And theatre stuff."

"Friends? You mean Sting?" Ryos didn't need to look up to know that Gajeel was smirking.

"Some other kids, too," Ryos lied. After the incident where Brock had shoved Sting, he'd stopped hanging out with them entirely and had been spending after-school time with Ryos and his friends instead. "You're always telling me to stop being so antisocial, aren't you?" The words came out harsher than he'd intended and he sighed. "Sorry."

"'s okay." Gajeel rubbed a hand over his face, then gestured at the book in Ryos' lap. "What're you readin'?" Ryos frowned – Gajeel never showed interest in his books. Which meant...

"You invited Levy over, didn't you?" Ryos hugged his knees to his chest, trying to ignore the panic that immediately took over.

"We've actually got food, she's comin' for dinner," Gajeel said, sighing. "She's not a bad person, Ryos."

"I _know_ that," Ryos groaned, burying his face in his knees. He wasn't certain exactly what it was that made him hesitant around Levy. She'd been nothing but nice to him so far, even though he'd probably been sullen and rude to her. It was just...Gajeel was his brother. It was just them, and all they had was each other. And now it wasn't. And she didn't know about him, so what if...

"I wanted to give you a heads up so you can..." Gajeel gestured at Ryos' baggy t-shirt. Ryos growled, pushing himself off the couch and storming into his room, slamming the door behind him. Part of him _knew_ he was being dramatic and ridiculous, but he just couldn't get past the anger and fear in his chest. He flopped down on his mattress, sighing and rubbing his face.

"Fuck," he whispered. Reaching under his pillow, he pulled out to his phone and flipped to Sting's name. His thumb hovered over the call button for a moment, then he threw the phone back on the mattress, groaning.

What was he supposed to say? _My brother's pregnant girlfriend is coming for supper and I hate it because she's not supposed to be here? I hate it because she's going to find out? And so are you, and I'm terrified?_

 _Why is this so hard?_ Ryos thought miserably, wiping his face. _I don't want everyone to know. I just want to be a boy._

* * *

"How are you so good at this?" Ryos wobbled uncertainly on his skates while Sting moved backward around him, grinning and catching his arms.

"I'm usually good at sports," Sting said, pulling Ryos along after him. Ryos glanced over at Gajeel and Levy, who were sitting on the edge of the lake drinking hot chocolate. He swallowed, backing up a little and keeping the distance between him and Sting more _friendly_ and less _boyfriendly_.

"Of course you are," Ryos grumbled, letting go of Sting's hands and attempting to stand on his own. "So. You still scared of Gajeel?"

Sting glanced over to the edge of the lake and swallowed hesitantly. This whole outing had been Levy's idea, and Ryos had gone along with it to make Gajeel happy. Dinner the other night had been awkward, but Ryos had grit his teeth, and smiled and tried to be kind.

"I mean, he does look pretty scary," Sting admitted, turning back to Ryos. He gestured to the bench nearby and they made their way over to it - Sting with grace, Ryos trying desperately not to fall. "You didn't tell me you were gonna...be an uncle, I guess?"

Ryos sighed. "I dunno," he mumbled. "It's..." Sting settled down on the bench and started unlacing his skates, looking at Ryos curiously.

"You don't like her?"

"No, no..." Ryos wobbled a bit on his skates. "It's not that." And it wasn't. He had nothing against Levy personally, which was why he felt like such an asshole around her. "I don't wanna-"

"-talk about it, I know." Sting's voice sounded defeated and Ryos was immediately flooded with guilt. He started to apologize but Sting waved it off, helping him sit down on the bench. Ryos' fingers were numb as he started to unlace his skates. Sting's were already tucked to the side and he'd crammed his feet back into his sneakers.

"You cold?" He asked as Sting rubbed his hands together.

"Little bit," Sting admitted, shivering. He stood up, dusting snow off his pants as Ryos kicked his skates off and stretched out his legs. "Maybe we-" Sting stopped talking suddenly and he brought a hand to his head, wincing. "What's..."

"Hey, are you okay?" Ryos stood up, concerned, then started as Sting stiffened and let out a loud groan. "Sting, look at-"

Before Ryos could move, Sting's body went limp and he fell forward, nothing to break his fall. His head hit the ice with a sickening _crack_ and Ryos shouted in surprise, dropping to his knees. Blood dripped from a deep cut on Sting's forehead, spreading out across the surface of the frozen lake.

"Gajeel!" Ryos shouted, looking around wildly for his brother. He turned back to Sting, panic creeping up in his chest. Sting's breathing was labored, and when Ryos reached out to touch him, his arms began to jerk and twitch. His eyes rolled back in his head and Ryos hovered uncertainly over him, the panic turning in to terror. He looked up to see a couple standing in front them, staring uncertainly. "Call an ambulance!" Ryos shouted.

"Ryos! What's- holy shit." Gajeel skidded to a halt and stared at Sting, eyes wide in a panic that Ryos had only rarely seen. "What's-"

"I think he's having a seizure," Ryos said shakily, turning back to Sting. His legs were spasming now too, twitching tightly and relaxing over and over again. Ryos felt himself starting to cry, still uncertain if he should touch his boyfriend or not.

"Turn him on his side." That was Levy's voice – she wasn't far behind Gajeel, out of breath with one hand on her lower back. She looked at Ryos and gestured towards Sting. "On his side, you know what the recovery position is?" Ryos nodded hesitantly, reaching out to Sting and shifting him carefully. A thin line of blood trickled from Sting's mouth as he continued to shake and spasm.

"What...I don't know..." the words were stuck in Ryos' throat and he wiped furiously at his face.

"Don't touch him," Levy said gently, moving closer to Ryos and resting a hand on his shoulder. "Just make sure he's not hurting himself."

"His head..." Ryos gestured to the wound that was still bleeding. He was vaguely aware of the crowd of people that had gathered around them, but all he could see was Sting.

"Has this happened before?" Levy asked, voice gentle. Ryos shook his head uncertainly.

"N-no, I mean...I don't th-think so?" He wanted desperately to reach out and take Sting's hand, but his boyfriend's fingers were stiff and spasming. Ryos tried to breathe but the air kept getting stuck, and Levy rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.

"It's okay. Someone called an ambulance, they'll be here soon." Ryos nodded, everything around him blurring into vague shapes and colors.

"Hey. Ryos, look at me." Gajeel was there now, crouched down in front of him, rubbing his knee and grabbing his shoulder. "It'll be okay. He's gonna be okay." Ryos nodded shakily, letting Gajeel wrap an arm around him.

The wailing of sirens filled the air and Ryos breathed out a sigh of relief, turning back to Sting. It seemed like the spasms were slowing down, his fingers relaxing until Ryos was able to take one of Sting's hands and hold it between his. Sting was still for a moment, then opened his eyes slowly and blinked, wincing.

"Hey," Ryos whispered, reaching out and touching Sting's cheek. The other boy's eyes moved around uncertainly until they fell on Ryos. Sting blinked a few more times, trying to push himself up. Ryos helped him sit and he made a confused sound. "You hurt yourself, you- you hit your head."

"...'s wh..." Sting squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, squeezing Ryos' hand tightly.

"Hey there guys, my name is Eric." A man in a paramedic's uniform crouched down next to Ryos and looked at Sting. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"He, uh, he fell down," Ryos said uncertainly, still holding Sting's hand tightly. "And he hit his head, and then he was shaking, I..."

"It looked like a seizure," Levy added, and the EMT nodded, turning to Sting.

"Can you tell me your name?" He asked, taking a penlight out of his pocket and looking into Sting's eyes. Sting winced and looked around blankly. "Do you know where you are?" Eric inspected the cut on Sting's forehead, which was still bleeding. Another EMT passed Eric a wad of gauze which he pressed to the wound.

"Um..." Sting looked over to Ryos, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I, uh..." Ryos squeezed his hand gently and Sting looked back at the EMT. "My name...uh..." Eric kept pressure on the cut on his head. "We're...out. S-somewhere?" Sting's voice was weak and confused.

"Are you his family?" Eric asked, looking over at Gajeel, who shook his head.

"No, he's a friend," Gajeel said, arm still wrapped around Ryos. "Ain't his dad outta town or something?"

Ryos nodded. "Y-yeah, in Hong Kong." He looked back to Sting, who still looked confused and frightened. "His mom, she's...I can get her number. H-his name is Sti—Eugene." Eric nodded, turning back to Sting.

"Okay Eugene, we're gonna take you to the hospital," he said. "That's a nasty cut you've got, I think you'll need stitches. Can you walk to the ambulance?"

"Y-yeah," Sting said softly, letting Ryos help him to his feet. He put an arm around Ryos' shoulders and they moved slowly toward the ambulance, leaving Gajeel and Levy behind. "Wh...what..."

"It's gonna be all right," Ryos said, trying to keep the fear out of his voice. "Can I have your phone? I'm gonna call your mom and we'll meet you at the hospital." Sting dug absently in his pocket and handed it to Ryos without arguing. "You're gonna be okay," Ryos murmured, taking a quick look around before leaning down and kissing Sting on the cheek. Eric appeared moments later, taking Sting's arm and moving Ryos gently out of the way.

As they watched the ambulance pull away, Ryos moved toward Gajeel again, happy when his brother pulled him close. Levy gave him a concerned look as he tried desperately not to cry.

"C'mon," Gajeel said roughly, gesturing towards the car. "Let's head to the hospital."

* * *

Sting's mom, Lillian, made it to the hospital faster than Ryos expected. She headed right to the back of the ER with a short wave to Ryos and Gajeel, who were settled into the uncomfortable orange plastic chairs. Gajeel grumbled a bit, but let Ryos curl up under his arm like he did when he was little, and eventually Ryos fell asleep.

He woke to insistent nudging from Gajeel and looked up to see Lillian standing there. She pulled him to his feet and wrapped him into a hug. She'd never hugged him before, and for a moment he desperately missed his own mother.

"You must be Ryos' brother," she said, looking over at Gajeel. "I'm Lillian, Sting's mother. Thank you so much for helping out today." He nodded, shaking her hand.

"Is he okay?" Ryos asked, chewing his bottom lip. Lillian gave him a soft smile and gestured for him to come with her. Gajeel gave a nod when Ryos looked back, so he followed her through the ER to a small room off to the side. Sting was sitting inside on the raised table, heels tapping against it. He had a bandage across the cut on his forehead, and he looked exhausted.

"Sting," Ryos whispered, rushing forward and pulling his boyfriend into a hug. He didn't care if Lillian saw, or knew, because all that was important right now was that Sting was safe. Sting slumped against him, wrapping his arms around Ryos' waist and burying his face in his shoulder. "I was so scared."

Sting didn't say anything, just shook his head and pressed his face harder into Ryos' hoodie. Ryos ran a hand through his hair, then swallowed, glancing over at Lillian. He was fairly certain they couldn't play this off as 'just friends'.

"It's okay," she said, smiling. "I know. You make him happy. Thank you for taking care of him today."

Ryos nodded, knowing he couldn't speak or the tears would start falling. Lillian stepped out of the room and he moved closer to Sting, stepping in between his legs and pressing their foreheads together.

"Are you okay?" He asked, running his thumb around the edge of Sting's bandage.

"No," Sting whispered, sniffing and wiping his face. "I gotta...they want to do tests."

"For what?" Ryos already knew the answer.

"Epilepsy." Sting squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his forehead to Ryos' shoulder again. "I feel...people were...they were watching. And...you, and Gajeel-"

"Sting, that doesn't matter," Ryos insisted, wrapping his arms around Sting's shoulders. "You're okay now. And if they find something, then...we'll deal with it, right? Epilepsy...they've got meds for that, right?" Sting didn't answer, just pressed himself closer against Ryos. "I was so scared," Ryos whispered. "I'm so happy you're okay."

"The doctor said the...spacing out, in class, it's probably little seizures." Sting's voice was muffled by Ryos' hoodie. Ryos pulled back slowly, looking at Sting and frowning. Was that...

"The...shit." Ryos' fingers tightened on Sting's shoulders, realization hitting him. "You - the first time I came to your house, you did that, we were talking and you just started staring at the floor. And then you snapped out of it but I thought you just weren't paying attention." Sting frowned uncertainly. "And at the park, with Brock – that's why you fell, you didn't put your arms up, you had just spaced out again."

"That..." Sting winced, reaching up and touching the bandage on his forehead. He looked so tired. Ryos wrapped his arms around Sting again, stroking his hair and kissing his head.

Sting sighed, forehead resting on Ryos' shoulder. Ryos felt sick. Why hadn't he said anything? Could he have prevented this? He hadn't known what was happening, but maybe if they'd caught it earlier-

"Stop," Sting murmured, and Ryos stiffened. "I can hear you blaming yourself." He nuzzled closer, nose buried in the spot where Ryos' shoulder met his neck. "'s not your fault."

"I'm sorry anyway," Ryos said softly.

"I just wanna go home," Sting murmured, rubbing his eyes and wincing. "My head hurts." He sat up a little and looked at Ryos. "Can you come over?"

"Of course," Ryos said, hoping Gajeel would understand and not tease him mercilessly. After what happened, Ryos was sure he wouldn't. He kissed Sting's forehead again, then helped him down from the table. "Anything you need."


	4. an unforeseen apology

"I had to quit the swim team."

Sting's voice was small and sad, and Ryos made a soft sound, reaching out for his boyfriend. He put his hand over Sting's, twining their fingers together, but Sting just squeezed it once and then pulled away. They were lying on Sting's bed, facing each other with what felt like an impossible chasm between them.

"Why?" Ryos asked quietly, leaving his hand in between them so Sting could take it if he changed his mind. Sting pulled his hands into his hoodie, shaking his head and burying his face in his pillow. Ryos could tell he was crying, but didn't want to touch him if he wasn't ready.

"Th-they're scared I'll have a seizure in the water," Sting said, sniffling and wiping his face. "Said it's - I'm - a liability." He wrapped his arms around himself, taking a shaky breath. "'specially after... the soccer thing."

The seizure at the ice rink had been over a month ago, and since then Sting had had two more – one at home, and one in the middle of a soccer game. He'd been mortified, and had quit the team immediately, refusing to face any of the other boys who'd seen it and laughed about it later.

"I'm sorry," Ryos whispered, creeping his hand a bit closer until Sting took it reluctantly. "I wish I could fix it." Sting let out a shaky sigh and Ryos could see tear tracks on his cheeks. "Can I hold you?"

Sting looked indecisive, swallowing heavily, but after a moment he nodded and moved closer. Ryos reached out his arms and wrapped Sting up in them, pulling Sting close and resting his chin on his boyfriend's head. There was a moment of uneasiness, having Sting this close to his chest, but he let it go and focused on rubbing his hand up and down Sting's back.

"I'm sorry," Ryos whispered again. "Did you see the doctor?"

Sting nodded, wrapping his arm around Ryos' waist. "They changed the meds, but they said it takes t-time." His shoulders shook a little and Ryos made a soft sound, pulling him closer. "It's so fucking embarrassing. It's not fair."

"It isn't," Ryos agreed. He sighed, feeling helpless. There was nothing he could do about this, and it was awful. He just wanted to see Sting smile again, but for weeks his face had held nothing but shame and unhappiness.

"Do you wanna go for a walk?" Ryos asked, kissing Sting's head. Sting sighed, shrugging.

"I dunno," he mumbled. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Ryos asked, leaning back a little and looking at his boyfriend. He brought his sleeve up and wiped the tears from Sting's face, but Sting wouldn't meet his eyes. "You don't have to be sorry. This sucks. You're allowed to be pissed off about it."

"Thanks," Sting whispered, shaking his head and pushing himself up into a sitting position. "I just feel like I'm being... stupid."

"You're not stupid," Ryos insisted, sitting up as well and running a hand through his hair. "I can't imagine... you must be so frustrated." He rubbed his face, grabbing his phone and checking the time. A text from Gajeel flashed up on the screen and Ryos groaned. "I'm really sorry but Gajeel's here, we've got a... meeting today."

Ryos left out the part where the meeting was with the social worker. The one advantage to Sting's health crisis was that the focus was off of Ryos, and he was able to continue to keep the unpleasant parts of his life a secret.

"Yeah," Sting said quietly, standing up and moving over to his desk. "I gotta study anyway." Ryos sighed, moving over to Sting and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" Ryos hugged him tightly, and Sting returned the gesture. Then Ryos pulled Sting in for a soft kiss, running his fingers through Sting's hair as they moved together. Sting let out a soft moan and brought his hands to Ryos' hips, sighing into the embrace.

"Okay," he murmured, pressing his forehead to Ryos'. "You'd better go, don't piss off your scary brother." Ryos snorted.

"Don't get too down, okay?" Ryos said, squeezing Sting tight. "It's gonna be all right."

* * *

"Well... that went better than I expected." Ryos slipped into the passenger seat and shivered, wishing the car wasn't such a piece of shit and would actually produce heat. Gajeel grunted, turning the key in the ignition and rubbing his face.

"Yeah," he said, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. "It was..." He trailed off, staring out the window. Ryos frowned.

"What's going on with you?" he asked, poking Gajeel in the arm. "You're being weird. Well, weirder than usual." Gajeel grunted, putting the car in drive and heading out of the parking lot.

"Nothin'," he grumbled. "How's Sting?"

"Terrible," Ryos replied, rolling his eyes. "Nice try. What's up?"

Gajeel sighed. "Kid in my group tried to kill himself," he said finally, rubbing the back of his neck. "One I jumped for pills that first day." Ryos could see regret and anger in Gajeel's eyes.

"Is he okay?" Ryos asked, turning in his seat to face his brother.

"I guess," Gajeel said roughly. "He's stayin' with Gray of all people. Think they, uh, got a thing goin' on." Ryos stilled, immediately scanning Gajeel's face for any signs of how he felt about that.

"Oh?" he said, trying to keep his voice neutral. "Like... dating?"

"Mm," Gajeel replied. He didn't say anything else and Ryos fidgeted in his seat. He'd been contemplating coming out to Gajeel ever since Sting's seizure at the pond – he couldn't imagine that his brother didn't suspect _something_ , given how close he and Sting had been. But suspecting Gajeel knew and actually _telling_ him were two different things entirely.

"I, uh..." He started to speak but the words stuck in his throat and he sighed, picking at the threads from the hole in his jeans. Gajeel glanced over at him, eyebrow raised, but said nothing. "You, um..." Ryos tried again, looking down at his hands. "So, how you, uh... tease me? About Sting being my... um, my boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Gajeel replied, frowning. "Wait, you mean—"

"He, uh, he is my boyfriend," Ryos said quickly, balling his hands into fists. "I'm gay."

There was a long silence in the vehicle, outside sounds muffled by the snow drifting down around them. Ryos' stomach clenched and he swallowed, hard.

"I'm such an asshole," Gajeel said eventually, shaking his head. Ryos blinked. That wasn't what he'd been expecting to hear. "Fuck, I'm sorry Ryos."

"F-for what?"

"I just... I figured you were. Long time ago." Gajeel glanced over and met Ryos' eyes, which were wide with surprise. Gajeel already knew? But... "Didn't wanna push, though. You know I love you, right? Doesn't change anythin'?"

Ryos felt himself exhale, and the ball of tension in his chest dissolved almost immediately. Gajeel didn't say 'I love you' very often, so when he did, it was laden with meaning.

"Yeah," Ryos said softly. "I know. I love you too."

They pulled up to a red light and Gajeel sighed, leaning forward and pressing his forehead to the steering wheel. His hands were tight and his knuckles looked white.

"What's wrong?"

"We... did this thing in group." He paused. "About forgiveness. An' forgiving people." There was a long silence while Ryos waited for him to continue. "I thought 'bout Gray, how... he fucked shit up for me, but..."

"But...?" Ryos prompted when Gajeel stopped talking.

"He was right." Gajeel's voice was quiet and Ryos stared at him with wide eyes. Gajeel had been angry at Gray since the day Gray had called the cops, and had called him all manner of names. And now... "I did somethin' stupid and it bit me in the ass. An' then I was awful to him, and to Natsu. I called them some pretty bad names, shit that I'd pound other people for callin' you. I dunno why."

Ryos waited this time, saying nothing. This was the most words in a row that his brother had spoken in a very long time. Their conversations were usually affectionate but brief, and Gajeel both talking and admitting guilt was... surprising.

"I need to apologize." Gajeel said eventually.

There was a heavy silence in the car before Ryos dared to say something.

"That's... a big deal." He leaned against the window and stared at Gajeel. He had never seen his brother be affectionate or loving with anyone other than him, and Gajeel was never one for apologies, forgiveness, or admitting he was wrong.

"Yeah," Gajeel said quietly, pulling up to their apartment block. "I just dunno how..."

"Call him," Ryos suggested as they got out of the car. "You still have his number, don't you?" Gajeel grunted, holding the door open for Ryos.

"I don't wanna—"

"Hey, no bullshit," Ryos said, changing his tone. He could see how quickly Gajeel was veering from compassionate to unfeeling. "Don't tell me shit like that and then back out of it." He unlocked the door to the apartment and moved inside, then kicked off his shoes. "Call him."

"Fine," Gajeel growled, dropping his own bag and tugging his phone out of his pocket. He glared at Ryos as he scrolled through them names, then tapped the screen and brought the phone to his ear. Ryos heard it ring several times, then a familiar voice said, _It's Gray. Leave a message._ Gajeel hung up and shook his head.

"You can try again lat—"

The phone started ringing in Gajeel's hand and he made a face at it. Ryos raised his eyebrows and Gajeel groaned, swiping and putting it on speakerphone.

"What do you want?" Ryos could hear the anger and irritation in Gray's words.

"Hey, it's..." Gajeel's voice was uncertain. "Is Natsu with you?" There was a long pause.

"Yeah, he's right here." There was a thump and the sound of someone moving around.

"Good." Gajeel licked his lips, looking up at Ryos, who gave him an encouraging nod. "I, um... I wanted to say... uh..."

Ryos sighed, shaking his head. "The word you're looking for is 'sorry'," he offered. Gajeel glared at him but Ryos stood his ground, leaning against the couch with his arms crossed over his chest.

"I swear to god..." Gajeel growled, then turned back to the phone. "So, yeah, that. I'm sorry."

There was another moment of silence, then Gray's voice again. "For...?"

"Argh," Gajeel growled, and Ryos could see his ears turning red. It took a lot to faze Gajeel, he was impressed. "You know what I'm talkin' about."

"Apologies have to be specific, Gajeel," Ryos interrupted again. He grinned at his brother, who gave him a murderous look.

"Fine!" he shouted, walking away from Ryos into the kitchen. "I'm sorry for callin' you... names." He paused awkwardly, leaning against the counter. "I was a dick. I dunno why I said it, I don't give a fuck if you like dudes or whatever."

"Th...thank you?" This voice was unfamiliar, and Ryos assumed it was the other boy, Natsu. Ryos saw Gajeel's face soften for just a second before moving back to its usual grumpy expression.

"You... you doin' okay?" Gajeel's voice was gruff, but Ryos was surprised that he sounded genuinely concerned. "I heard you, ah, did... I mean..."

Ryos hesitated for a second, then shook his head. The only way to get Gajeel out of this was to be blunt.

"Oh my god, Gajeel, you're hopeless." Gajeel looked equal parts thankful and irritated. Ryos moved into the kitchen and grabbed the phone, happy that Gajeel didn't pull it away. "My brother has an empathy deficiency, sorry. As much as he might have been an asshole, I promise you that his apology is sincere."

"Ryos, is that you?" Gray sounded surprised and Ryos mumbled something vaguely affirmative. He'd never been close with Gray, and it had been nearly four years since they'd last seen each other. "Shit, last time I saw you, you were like—"

"Twelve, I know," Ryos interrupted, not wanting to talk about that awkward period in his life. "Gajeel tells me you're doing well, Gray, although I'm sorry to hear about Lyon." There was an uncomfortable silence and Gajeel sighed.

"All right, gimme that," he grumbled, snatching the phone away from Ryos, flipping it off speakerphone and putting it to his ear. "Go do your homework."

"Oh c'mon, you can—"

"I'm serious." Gajeel gave Ryos an annoyed look and gestured at his backpack. Ryos sighed, picking it up off the floor.

"But it's algebra," he grumbled. "I hate algebra, I need help."

"Well I ain't got a clue how to do that kinda math," Gajeel muttered, shooing Ryos away. "Go ask your boyfriend, you said he was smart." As he said it, Gajeel gave Ryos a rare half-smile, then reached out and tugged him into a quick hug. Holding the phone away from his ear, he kissed Ryos' head. "Love you," he said gruffly.

Ryos smiled, feeling a deep sense of relief at finally revealing the secret he'd been hiding. He sighed, squeezing Gajeel back. "I love you, too."

* * *

Ryos woke on Christmas morning to his phone buzzing, and he grabbed it sleepily to realize that Sting was Skyping him. He yawned, propping the phone up against the wall and hitting the _answer_ button.

"Hey, you." Sting's hair was disheveled and he was clearly still in bed, and he looked adorable. "Merry Christmas."

"You too," Ryos said sleepily, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Did I wake you up?" Sting asked. "I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep."

Ryos squinted at the time on his phone – six thirty-seven. "It's okay," he said, even though this was absolutely way earlier than he would normally be awake. Gajeel probably wouldn't even open his eyes until ten. But for Sting, he didn't mind. "I should be up anyway," he lied. "I gotta make pancakes 'cause Levy's here and Gajeel sucks at cooking."

Sting burrowed into his pillow and didn't say anything. Ryos frowned.

"You okay?" Ryos was about to sit up when he realized that he wasn't binding and was dressed only in a tank top. _Ugh_.

"Mm," Sting replied, playing with the edge of his blanket. "Just... mom had to go into work. Dad's here, but he's got a stupid conference this afternoon." He tried to smile but Ryos could see how sad his eyes were. "Just would've been nice to..." Sting trailed off, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," Ryos said softly. He thought for a second, then added, "do you wanna hang out this afternoon?" Sting's face brightened and he gave Ryos a small smile.

"Really?" he asked. Ryos nodded. "But you've got family stuff, I don't wanna..."

"It's fine," Ryos said, stretching and pulling the blanket up over him. It was freezing in his room. "We usually just have breakfast together. Nothing special."

"You don't do gifts and stuff?" Sting sat up, propping his phone up on the desk. Ryos smiled at his Avengers pajama shirt. His boyfriend was such a dork and he loved it.

"Nah," Ryos said, shrugging. Even when he was a kid they hadn't done much for Christmas – his dad hadn't been interested. They'd never even had a Christmas tree, but he wasn't about to tell Sting that. The tree at Sting's house was seven feet tall and stacked with gifts, but Ryos knew that Sting would rather have his parents there than all those presents.

"Okay," Sting said quietly, smiling and playing with the hem of his shirt. "What'd you wanna do? Nothing's open."

Ryos thought for a second, then grinned. "How about we go sledding?"

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Ryos."

Levy was sitting at the counter when Ryos came out of his room, rubbing his eyes and beelining for the coffee machine. He smiled at her, trying his best to not look grumpy. _It's not her fault,_ he thought. _She didn't do anything wrong._

"Merry Christmas," he said quietly, turning on the coffee maker and opening the cupboard. He gestured to the mugs and she nodded. "Is Gajeel still sleeping?"

Levy laughed. "He is, his snoring woke me up. It's terrible."

Ryos snorted. When they were little, he and Gajeel had shared a bedroom, and he remembered kicking Gajeel in the back often to get him to be quiet.

"How's, um..." Ryos glanced down at Levy's stomach, which was round and obvious under her tight sweatshirt. She smiled and ran a hand over it, brushing her hair from her eyes.

"Kicking a lot," she said. "I'm not as sick anymore, though, so that's a relief." She sighed and looked up at Ryos, eyes serious. "I know you don't want me here."

Ryos blinked. "I, um—"

"No, it's okay," Levy interrupted, waving her hand. "I didn't mean – I mean, I know that you and Gajeel have been on your own forever, and I'm kinda... well, messing that up. And having a baby living here isn't going to be easy for you, and I'm sorry about that. I wish we had another choice, but... I want Gajeel to be with his kid." She looked like she was on the verge of tears, and Ryos felt his stomach twist. "I never had my dad, and you guys never had your mom, and I just want this baby to have both parents, all the time."

Ryos sighed, rubbing his face and leaning forward on the counter. "I should be apologizing," he mumbled. "I've been an ass." The coffee machine hissed and he turned around, grabbing both mugs and handing one to Levy. "I just..."

"Merry Christmas, you two." Ryos was interrupted by the appearance of Gajeel in the kitchen, hair wild and sticking up in every direction. "You make enough for me?" he asked, gesturing at the coffee pot.

"Of course, you're insufferable without coffee," Ryos grumbled. "Take it and get out of my kitchen, I'm making pancakes."

Ryos mulled over his conversation with Levy as he cooked, glancing over at her and Gajeel, who were sitting in the living room and talking quietly. Gajeel placed his hand on Levy's stomach and smiled widely when the baby kicked. Ryos had felt it once, too, when Levy had been so excited that she had grabbed his wrist without thinking. It had been strange – the feeling of something alive but not yet ready for the world.

"I asked Sting to go sledding this afternoon," Ryos said as he sat cross-legged on the floor, balancing his plate of pancakes on his knee. "Do you... want to come?" He poked at his food hesitantly. "I know you can't go down the hill because of the baby, but I thought... it's a nice day. And we could bring hot chocolate."

"I'd love that," Levy said gently, and when Ryos met her eyes, she smiled. "That sounds like a wonderful afternoon."

* * *

By the next day, all the snow had melted and Ryos was glad they'd taken advantage of it while it had been there. It had been fun, even though Ryos had fallen off the sled and bruised his shin, and Gajeel had teased them the whole time they were there. Sting had taken it in stride though, and Ryos hadn't been able to stop himself from kissing Sting's cheeks that were pink from the wind.

"So, your boyfriend's dad just called me." Gajeel stood in the doorway of Ryos' bedroom and Ryos looked up at him, eyes wide. "Nothin' scary, he's just wonderin' if Sting can stay with us for New Year's Eve. Somethin' about some trip for work."

"Oh." Ryos' voice was small and he looked down at his hands, taking a deep breath. "Oh."

"Take it he doesn't know you're livin' here?" Gajeel sighed, coming into the room and sitting down on the end of Ryos' bed. Ryos shook his head, pulling in on himself and chewing on his lip. "I know this ain't the best place, but he seems like a good kid. You think he'd break up with you just 'cause you live in a shitty apartment?"

"Ugh, I don't know." Ryos flopped back on his pillow, arm over his face. "He doesn't... you've seen his house. He's been rich his entire life, how can I explain... how could he understand what it's like? We don't even have a kitchen table!"

Gajeel didn't say anything, just sat on the end of the bed and shook his head.

"There's... so much about me he doesn't know." Ryos turned onto his side and curled up, pulling a pillow to his stomach. His voice was soft and he jumped a little when Gajeel put a hand on his leg.

"You haven't told him?"

Ryos shook his head, burying his face in the pillow. "I can't," he mumbled. "He'll hate me and I can't... I don't know what to do." The uncomfortable tension in his chest twisted and ached. He had to tell Sting. He couldn't. "I don't want to lose him," he whispered.

Gajeel sighed, rubbing Ryos' leg. "I wish I had the answers," he said, voice softer than usual. "I ain't the best person for this stuff. Dad woulda been useless too. Mom probably woulda been better." Ryos buried himself further into the pillow. "I'm sorry."

"'s not your fault," Ryos mumbled. "I don't want him to come here, though. Can we—"

"Hang on a sec," Gajeel said, pulling his phone from his pocket. He raised an eyebrow at it, then looked at Ryos. "One of the guys from group's havin' a party on New Year's Eve. Said you and Sting could come too, if you wanna."

Ryos sat up, still clutching the pillow to his chest. "So we'd stay there?" he asked. Gajeel nodded. "Yeah, that... that sounds good."

Gajeel turned back to his phone to respond, and Ryos sighed with relief. This would give him a bit more time. He wasn't ready yet. He could keep his secret just a little bit longer.


	5. an upsetting discovery

_TW for self-harm_

* * *

Laxus' house was almost as big as Sting's. Ryos' hands were sweaty as they walked up the driveway, and he felt overwhelmed by the enormous amount of Christmas lights that were strung from the roof.

"You okay?" Sting's hand slipped into Ryos', fingers twining together as he squeezed Ryos' hand reassuringly.

"Mm." Ryos looked over at Sting, giving him a shy smile. "Just... new people. Y'know." Sting nodded, moving closer to Ryos. Ever since Christmas Sting had been in a better mood – not back to his old self, but definitely less anxious.

"You must be Gajeel!"

The front door was opened by a tall... person with bright green hair. Ryos frowned. He couldn't tell if they were a boy or a girl. Their long hair was tucked up in a messy bun, and they wore a faded t-shirt that read _yes, homo_ in sparkly letters. Sting snorted.

"Yeah," Gajeel said. He stuck a hand out awkwardly to shake, then gestured to everyone else. "This is my girlfriend Levy, my brother Ryos an' his boyfriend, Sting." They all waved.

"I'm Freed," the person said, gesturing for them to come inside. "I'm Laxus' partner. Come on in."

Freed held the door open and Ryos stepped inside after Gajeel, trying not to look amazed by the high ceilings and fancy art on the walls. He kicked his shoes off and followed Gajeel down the hallway into an enormous living room, filled with more high ceilings and leather couches.

"Yo." A tall, blond man with a deep scar across his eye nodded to Gajeel, who returned the nod but didn't speak to him. A few other people were scattered throughout the room, but Ryos didn't recognize anybody.

"Did you want something to drink?" Freed asked, appearing beside Ryos again and gesturing to the kitchen counter where an assortment of drinks were sitting.

"Oh. Uh, sure," Ryos replied. He was still unsettled by Freed's androgynous appearance. Were they...

"There's about a hundred different options," Freed said. "Laxus' grandfather insisted on buying way more food than we'll ever eat." They moved into the kitchen, gesturing to the cans of pop. "Help yourself."

Sting grabbed his drink and squeezed Ryos' arm, then headed over to the couch where Gajeel and Levy were sitting. Ryos stood there awkwardly, pretending to look at the drink options, but studying Freed out of the corner of his eye.

"I know that look," Freed said, smiling and leaning back against the counter. "I'm neither."

Ryos blinked and looked at Freed, cheeks flushing warm. "I'm not… I didn't…"

"It's okay," Freed said, shaking their head. "You're not the first person to wonder. I'm nonbinary. Genderqueer. Whatever you want to call it. I use 'they' and 'them' pronouns."

"Oh." Ryos looked down at the cup in his hand, mind racing. It wasn't exactly the same, but… Freed was like him. At least partly. Born with a body who didn't match who they were. "That's… I'm sorry for staring."

Freed laughed. "It's fine, really." They gave Ryos a strange look – knowing, almost. Ryos felt cold, suddenly. Could Freed tell? Could they see through the binder and the hormones and the clothes, to the body underneath? "I'm always happy to answer questions."

"Th-thanks," Ryos said quietly, quickly grabbing a can of pop. "It's… I gotta…" He gestured to Sting, and Freed smiled, nodding as Ryos moved out of the kitchen.

"You okay?" Gajeel asked, looking over at Ryos suspiciously, then glanced back into the kitchen at Freed. Ryos nodded, giving Gajeel a small smile as he settled down on the couch beside Sting. Sting leaned against Ryos, reaching over and grabbing his hand.

More and more people showed up as the evening went on – Gajeel chatted with a few people and introduced them to Ryos and Sting. Ryos forgot most of their names, but was curious when Natsu came over and introduced himself while Gray stayed in the background.

After a while the background chatter and music calmed Ryos' nerves, and at some point, Sting left to grab another drink and ended up getting pulled into a game with some of the others.

"Not a fan of charades?"

Ryos looked up to see Gray settling into a chair across from him. Gray looked tired, but not unhappy.

"Oh. No?" Ryos replied. He looked over to where Natsu was doubled over with laughter while Lucy rolled her eyes in exasperation. "I just don't really know many people here."

"That's fair," Gray said, leaning back in his chair and sipping his drink. "I hate making an ass of myself. I do that enough in real life."

Ryos snorted, looking up at Gray over his drink. The last time they'd seen each other, Gray had been sixteen and angry, with hard eyes and a permanent scowl. Gajeel and Gray had come to blows more than once, and Ryos was sure that more than one of Gajeel's scars were thanks to Gray.

"Look, I…" Gray trailed off, fiddling with the rim on his cup. "I know I probably screwed things up for you." Ryos was surprised to see that Gray's cheeks were flushed pink. "When I called the cops, I didn't… I wasn't thinking about what would happen to you. I'm sorry."

"Oh." Ryos wasn't sure what to say. He'd spent a long time being angry at Gray, blaming him for the horrible three months he'd spent in the group home. But after some time, he'd come to realize that the only person to blame for that was Gajeel. "It's… it wasn't your fault."

"It was." Gray's voice was low and he looked at his drink intently. His eyes were sad, and Ryos marveled at how different he looked. Softer. Kinder. "My… uh, Lyon…" The words seemed to stick in Gray's throat. "He wouldn't talk to me, after. I wasn't sure if I'd done the right thing."

"You did." Ryos' words surprised even him, and he drew back a bit from the indecipherable expression on Gray's face. "He's better now. It sucked, but… I'd rather that than have him still be selling drugs. Or doing them."

"Yeah."

"Was… did Lyon go back?" Ryos asked hesitantly. "Gajeel said he…"

Gray sighed, rubbing his face. It felt like an eternity before he answered.

"Yeah. He, uh… he disappeared. With the wrong people, I guess." Gray's eyes flicked up to the group playing charades, and Ryos could see the indecision on his face. "He was high when…" Gray's hand went to his shoulder.

Ryos' stomach turned. That could just have easily been him – Gajeel had come home high more than once in an unreasonable mood. If he hadn't quit, if Gray hadn't stopped him…

"I'm sorry," Ryos said eventually. Gray gave him a strange look. "I don't… I'm not upset about it." He couldn't bring himself to say _thank you,_ but he hoped Gray could read between the lines.

A comfortable silence settled between them as they watched the others. Sting was chatting with Erza now – she had mentioned drumming and Sting had immediately been intrigued. Natsu was still playing charades, laughing at something that Lucy said. He rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and Ryos was startled to see a thick, reddish scar that ran from Natsu's wrist to halfway up his arm.

Ryos turned to ask Gray about it and was taken aback by the expression on Gray's face. Gray's lips were quirked up in a smile, his gaze fond as he stared at Natsu.

"He's important to you," Ryos said before he could stop himself. His cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment, but the look Gray gave him was soft and kind.

"Yeah," Gray said, fiddling with his bracelet and chewing on his lip. "He changed things. Me." Gray shook his head, laughing. He must have caught Ryos staring at Natsu's scar, because he added, "we've all got shit, hey?"

"Mm." Ryos looked over at Sting, who was smiling at Erza. His smile was bright and he looked happy. Ryos hoped it would last.

* * *

It didn't last. It was only two weeks later, when they were making out on Sting's bed, that Ryos found the cuts.

They were lying on the bed, kissing lazily and making soft sounds into each other's mouths. Ryos drifted his hand down Sting's side and Sting sighed, but when Ryos brought his fingers across Sting's stomach, Sting flinched away.

"What's wrong?" Ryos asked, reaching out and pushing Sting's shirt up. He expected to see a bruise, but instead, six neat, red lines crossed over the skin just above Sting's hip. Ryos' stomach dropped and he felt like he was going to be sick.

He grabbed Sting's hand and Sting pulled away, quickly pushing his shirt back down and sitting up, scrambling back against the headboard. His cheeks flushed red and he crossed his arms over his stomach.

"It- I scraped it. In gym class." Sting's voice was shaky and he chewed his lip, playing with the hem of his shirtsleeve.

"Sting." Ryos frowned, moving closer to Sting and trying to make eye contact with him. Sting squeezed his eyes shut, rubbing his face. "That didn't look like a scrape."

"I'm fine," Sting whispered, shaking his head. "'s not a big deal."

"Did you do that to yourself?" Ryos asked gently. He felt dizzy. Why would Sting cut himself? Ever since New Year's he'd seemed happier – still frustrated by the seizures, but not nearly as depressed as he had been before Christmas.

Sting didn't answer, just curled his shoulders forward and looked down at his lap. Ryos sighed, reaching over and touching Sting's cheek. Sting flinched.

"Hey. What's going on?" Ryos rubbed his hands up and down Sting's arms reassuringly, but Sting wouldn't look at him.

"I'm sorry," Sting whispered eventually. Ryos could see tears in Sting's eyes and he made a sad sound, moving up the bed and pulling Sting into a hug. Sting slumped against him, shoulders shaking.

"Sorry for what?" Ryos asked quietly, kissing Sting's head.

"I just f-felt so angry and frustrated a-and it helped." Sting's voice was shaky and he buried his face in Ryos' shoulder, keeping his arms wrapped around himself. "I d-don't know why I did it, I just…"

"It's okay," Ryos said softly, stroking Sting's back. Inside he was tense and panicked, breath catching in his chest. "Was it just- just the one time?"

Sting didn't say anything. Ryos wanted to cry.

"Have you told anybody?" Ryos asked tentatively. "Your parents?"

"No!" Sting said vehemently, shaking his head against Ryos' collarbone. "I can't, if they- if they find out they'd be so mad, and I don't want to… they're already so w-worried about the seizures, I don't—"

"They're worried because they love you," Ryos said softly. He tried to lean back, but Sting wrapped his arms around Ryos' waist and squeezed him tightly.

"I don't want them to be mad," Sting whispered.

Ryos shook his head. "They wouldn't be mad," he said, hoping that he was right. "They care about you."

"They want to fix me," Sting mumbled. Ryos frowned, tipping his head back and looking down at Sting.

"What do you mean?"

"Dad- he has a friend, in the states, a… neuro-something." Sting took a shaky breath, letting go of Ryos and wiping his face. Ryos took Sting's hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. "He's taking me down there next week, to see if his friend can… can fix me, 'cause he doesn't want a broken kid."

Ryos sighed, brushing his thumb over the back of Sting's hand.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" he asked gently. Sting shook his head, pulling his hands away from Ryos.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, rubbing his face and pulling his sleeves further over his hands. "I didn't- I just didn't want you to…"

"To what?" Ryos asked gently, rubbing Sting's leg. Sting was quiet for a long time, sniffling quietly.

"I don't want you to leave," he said eventually. His cheeks were blotchy from crying and he looked miserable. Ryos pulled him into another hug.

"I'm not going anywhere, dummy," Ryos said softly, pressing his face into Sting's hair. "It's not your fault – none of this is your fault. Why would I leave?"

"'cause I'm broken," Sting muttered. Ryos shook his head vehemently.

"You're not broken. You're sick, it's not your fault."

"My stupid head is broken." Sting's voice caught and he let out a quiet sob. "I can't- I can't play soccer anymore, or swim, and the meds make me tired all the time, and I'm just- I'm always worried when we're out in public that I'm gonna h-have a s-seizure and embarrass myself."

Ryos swallowed hard, squeezing Sting close as an ache spread through his chest. "I want to help but I don't know how," he said quietly. "I don't want you to hurt yourself." He pulled back a bit and wiped at Sting's tears with his thumbs. "I don't think your parents would be mad. You should talk to them."

Sting shook his head, wiping his face with his sleeve. "I won't do it again," he whispered.

Ryos sighed, pulling Sting down until they were lying on the bed together, facing each other with their hands clasped between them. Sting wasn't crying anymore, but his face was blank and he looked dully at Ryos' shoulder.

They lay there for a long time, watching the afternoon sun drag patterns down the wall of Sting's bedroom. Ryos had nearly fallen asleep when Sting spoke.

"Okay," he said quietly.

"Okay?"

"I'll talk to- to my dad. Before we leave." Sting shuffled closer to Ryos and sighed as Ryos' fingers traced gentle patterns up and down his back. "I'm sorry, my head's just- it's already so…"

"I'm sorry," Ryos said, pressing a kiss to Sting's hair and holding him tight. "I wish I knew how to make it better."

* * *

The three weeks that Sting was gone felt like forever. They texted every day, but Ryos felt anxious the whole time – a buzzing in the back of his head that wouldn't go away. He tried to ignore it, tried to focus on school and rehearsal and his friends, but he couldn't stop thinking about how _sad_ Sting had been the last time they'd been together.

Now Sting was back, and they were standing in his room, hugging each other tightly.

"I missed you so much," Sting said, voice muffled by Ryos' sweater. Ryos squeezed him, then pulled back, inspecting his face.

"You seem… better," Ryos said cautiously. Sting smiled at him, nodding.

"Yeah, I… I feel better." He sighed happily. "The doctor really helped, it- I mean, he can't make it go away, but they gave me some different meds. And…" he chewed on his lip hesitantly. "Talking to my dad actually helped."

Ryos let out the tense breath he'd been holding, brushing his thumbs over Sting's cheeks.

"I was really worried," he said quietly.

"I'm sorry," Sting replied, running his hand up and down Ryos' arm. "I didn't mean to—"

"It's okay," Ryos interrupted. The air between them felt charged – after being apart for so long, every touch felt electric. Sting must have felt it too, because he pulled Ryos close to him, touching their noses together and smiling.

"I missed kissing you," Sting said softly, and Ryos could feel the soft puff of Sting's breath on his lips.

"Yeah?" he asked, slightly breathless.

"Yeah." Sting pulled Ryos to him, kissing him hard and running his fingers up to Ryos' ponytail. "Can I?" he asked, playing with the elastic. Ryos nodded, sighing as Sting pulled his hair down and dragged his fingers through it.

"I missed kissing you too," Ryos murmured against Sting's lips. His hands were on Sting's hips and he drew his fingers up underneath Sting's shirt, feeling Sting shiver under his touch.

"Couldn't stop thinking about you," Sting murmured against Ryos' lips, pushing him back against the wall and tugging at Ryos' hair. Ryos moaned into Sting's mouth, fingers tightening and nails dragging down the skin on Sting's back. His heart was pounding, stomach flooded with _want,_ and he dipped his fingers under the waistband of Sting's pants tentatively.

Sting let out a sharp breath, moving his kisses down to Ryos' neck. Ryos could feel Sting panting against his skin and it was _good,_ it felt good and he relaxed, enjoying the sensation.

He brought his fingers up Sting's back again, keeping one hand on Sting's hip with a thumb tucked in his jeans. Sting moaned against Ryos' collarbone, pushing his hips forward. Ryos could feel that Sting was hard, pressed up against Ryos' thigh, and it sent a brief flash of panic through him, but he pushed it away. This was fine. They were just making out.

Sting's hands drifted down to Ryos' hips while Ryos was distracted by the kisses on his neck, and now one hand slipped up the back of his shirt, hot against Ryos' skin. Ryos took a sharp breath, and panic flooded through him as Sting moved his hand higher, closer and closer and—

"Stop." Ryos took a sharp breath and pushed Sting, hard enough that Sting stumbled back, face flushed and confused. Sting swallowed, putting his hands out and shaking his head.

"Fuck, I'm s-sorry, I didn't—"

"It's okay," Ryos said quickly, wrapping his arms around himself and trying not to cry. He couldn't cry. That would only make it worse.

"I just… you were, and I th-thought…" Sting's cheeks were bright red and he took another step back, legs hitting the bed. He sat down hard, eyes searching Ryos' face for answers.

"It's not your fault," Ryos said softly, breathing short and shallow. He swallowed again, pushing back the tears. _Fuck,_ he was stupid. He couldn't do this, it wasn't fair, he had to…

"I'm sorry," Sting whispered. He was crying now, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand to try and hide it. "I didn't mean to…"

Ryos shook his head, running a hand over his face and looking at the door. "You didn't do anything wrong, it's…" He stopped himself, feeling the words bubbling to the surface. _Just say it,_ his brain screamed. _Say it. Tell him._

"But—"

"I have to go," Ryos said, voice breaking on the last word. He couldn't be here, couldn't do this, couldn't tell Sting, couldn't lie. Sting didn't say anything, just sniffed and looked at the floor. "I'm not breaking up with you," Ryos said softly, feeling guilt tighten in his chest.

"Then…what?" Sting asked, looking up at Ryos with sad eyes.

"I don't know," Ryos said, trying to keep his voice steady. "I just… I need some space."

He was shaking now – his skin felt too tight and his stomach was revolting against him. There was nothing he could say to make this better, nothing to say that would reassure Sting, nothing to make him believe that everything would be all right.

"It's not your fault," Ryos whispered. "I'm sorry," He grabbed his backpack from the floor and fled from the room, taking the stairs two at a time and ignoring Wes' friendly greeting as he shoved his feet into his shoes and bolted out the door.

 _I need you to come get me._ Ryos sent the text to Gajeel with shaky hands, misspelling every word and rewriting the text three times before hitting 'send.'

 _u ok?_ Gajeel's reply was quick, even though Ryos knew that he was at work.

 _No,_ he responded honestly. _I'm in Willowglen, but I'm not at Sting's._ He looked around for a nearby intersection and sent the street names to Gajeel. Tears were spilling down his cheeks now and his phone screen was blurry, but the response from Gajeel was clear.

 _stay put, im on my way._


	6. an accidental ally

_A/N: This chapter runs concurrently with chapter 31 of 'crash & burn.'_

 _TW for some homophobic language and dysphoria._

* * *

Ryos woke up feeling like he was going to cry.

"What's going on, man?" Gajeel slumped down at the counter across from Ryos, bowl of Fruit Loops in hand. Ryos made a face at the unhealthy breakfast - it looked like something Sting would eat. "You look upset."

"Since when do you give me pep talks?" Ryos grumbled, lifting his head up from his folded arms. A cold cup of coffee sat in front of him and he contemplated drinking it anyways.

"I just know this is a big change, that's all." Ryos leaned up on his elbows and looked over at Gajeel. Gajeel still thought this was about Levy, but Ryos couldn't stop thinking about Sting, and the hurt on his face when Ryos had pushed him away. When Gajeel had picked up Rogue after everything had happened, he had tried to get Ryos to talk, but Ryos had refused.

"It's fine," Ryos insisted, sliding off the barstool and taking the coffee to the microwave. "It'll be fine. And I'm just tired." He left out the part where his period cramps were making him want to curl up in a ball and die.

"Bullshit," Gajeel replied, and Ryos sighed as the microwave beeped. He took the coffee and hopped up on the counter, sitting cross-legged in his sweatpants. "I know it sucks. I know you don't want to tell Levy." Gajeel sighed, running a hand through his messy hair. "I don't wanna out you, man, you know that."

"I know." Ryos rubbed his eyes. "I just..." He swallowed, feeling tears forming in the corners. _Not this shit again,_ he thought. "This is just... it's always been safe here."

"Levy won't b—"

"I wanted to make that decision," Ryos interrupted quietly, voice shaking. "On my own terms. When I was ready." He pulled his knees up to his chest, trying to ignore the ache in his abdomen.

"I dunno how to be a good brother and a good dad at the same time," Gajeel said uncertainly, moving into the kitchen and leaning against the counter. "I love you, Ryos, you know that I would do anything for you, but this is my kid." He sighed. "I really... I fucked up, and I gotta be responsible."

"I know," Ryos said sadly, taking a sip of the now-scalding coffee. "I just wanna be Ryos. Not the 'trans kid', not the 'Indian kid,' not the 'poor ki-"

"Wait, do people actually say that shit?" Gajeel looked concerned now.

"What, the 'trans kid?' No, nobody kno-"

"No, the 'Indian kid' thing – people give you shit for that?"

"Sometimes," Ryos muttered. "Mostly 'cause of my hair. They think they're being funny." He ran his fingers self-consciously over his braid.

"You're not from fucking India, they're such morons." Gajeel sighed. "Is it that fuck from theatre again? Stupid white-kid name... Jason?" He looked murderous.

"Mason," Ryos corrected. "And honestly, it's not a big of a deal." He scowled into his half-empty coffee cup, swallowing against tears.

"How about he does neither?" Gajeel countered. "God, mom would be livid. Look, I can talk to the school again…"

"No!" Ryos shouted, feeling himself starting to cry. "Goddamnit, _fuck_ , I'm so sick of crying, don't _touch_ me!" He shoved Gajeel's tentative hand away and jumped down from the counter, knocking the coffee cup over in the process. It shattered on the floor, splashing the dark liquid up the sides of the cabinets. "Fuck!"

"Ryos, it's okay, just go-"

"No, let me clean it-"

"I've got-"

"I'm not a CHILD!" Ryos snarled, pushing Gajeel hard on the chest. "And if you _dare_ bring up the fact that I'm PMSing I'm gonna punch your stupid face." Gajeel sighed, dragging a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry, Ryos." He took several deep breaths and Ryos was actually impressed that he didn't lash out at something. Maybe that group was helping after all. "Okay. I'm gonna go get changed. Lemme know if you want help. Rehearsal's at eleven, yeah?" Ryos nodded sullenly. "Okay, be ready to leave at ten thirty."

Gajeel headed into his bedroom and closed the door behind him, and Ryos waited for the sound of the shower starting before sinking to the floor and bursting into tears. He buried his face in his arms, letting the fabric of his shirt muffle his cries. Once he started, he found he couldn't hold them back – large, aching sobs that wracked his body and shook his shoulders.

He knew that Gajeel was doing his best. Levy and the baby would have to live here, and Ryos was just going to have to deal with that. But he'd been able to get by so long without anyone knowing about him, and now there was Sting, and Levy, and then what? What if school found out? Dealing with 'queer jokes' and jabs at his skin color were one thing, but this? This was the most private thing in his life.

By the time the sobs subsided, he was exhausted. He rubbed his face a few times then stood slowly and made his way to the pantry, finding the broom and using it to sweep up the broken pieces of the coffee mug. He was tempted to text Sting, but there was hesitation there, now. Should he really be getting this attached? He was going to have to tell the truth eventually, and Sting might leave.

 _Fuck,_ he thought, tossing the pieces into a cardboard box and taping it shut. _What the hell am I supposed to do?_

* * *

"All right, you lot, you made it to the end of the day." Ms Kelling shook her head of dark, curly hair and pinched her nose in mock exasperation. There was a strange energy in the air today, and nobody had really paid attention for most of rehearsal. "You're all hopeless. Be back here on Tuesday, we're doing costume fittings so you _cannot_ miss it."

"Ten bucks says Mason's gonna bitch about his costume ruining his hair again," Thea whispered to Ryos. He snorted, popping the sucker he was chewing on out of his mouth.

"He's such a diva," he replied. Nadev rolled his eyes.

"He complains about his girlfriend taking forever to get ready," Nadev grumbled, "but I'm pretty sure he spends longer on his hair in the morning." Ryos glanced over at the boy in question, whose hair was, admittedly, very stylish. If he wasn't such a douche, Ryos might have even found him attractive.

"Go home, all of you," Ms Kelling added. "Please make sure you take your lines home and _practice them_."

Ryos grabbed his script and shoved it into his backpack, popping the sucker back between his teeth. Thea pulled out her phone and swiped through several texts, then looked up at him again.

"You sure you don't wanna stay over tonight?" she asked, glancing between Ryos and Nadev. It wasn't the first time she had offered, and Ryos was always tempted. Thea and Nadev always talked on Monday mornings about their Doctor Who marathons and pizza parties.

"My brother's picking me up," Ryos replied, settling his backpack on his shoulders. "Sorry, I've got family stuff." It was a lie – the most he and Gajeel ever did was order takeout and watch stupid documentaries on Netflix – but he wasn't about to stay over at Thea's house, no matter how tempting it was.

"You're lame, Redfox," Mason said. He turned to Kellen, another of the drama club students, who nodded and bumped shoulders with him. "You're gonna turn down the opportunity to catch this hottie in her panties?" Thea flipped him off, rolling her eyes.

"Dude, that's gross," Ryos said, shaking his head. What was _wrong_ with these guys? "Not that I think _you're_ gross," he clarified to Thea, who blew him a kiss.

"You're such a killjoy, man." Kellen shoved Ryos – not hard, but with intent. Ryos tensed. These two were dangerous in a crew-cut-soccer-scholarship-white-boys way. Gajeel could talk about speaking with the principal all he wanted, but Ryos was pretty sure the principal golfed with Mason's dad.

"It's 'cause he's a queer," Mason said, grinning at Ryos, who glared at him. Him being gay wasn't a secret, especially after he started dating Sting, but Mason was just such a fucking _asshole_. "I kid, I kid. It's cool, do what you want with your boyfriend." Ryos flipped him off and Mason returned the gesture, nudging for Kellen to follow him out of the room.

"I fuckin' hate those two," Thea grumbled, picking at her flaking black nail polish. "They give me the creeps."

"They've never…" Ryos didn't finish his sentence but it was clear that Thea knew what he meant. She shook her head.

"Nah, just said shit. Pretty sure Mason knows I'd fuck up his pretty face if he tried anything."

"They are just pigs," Nadev sighed, hefting his backpack onto his shoulders.

"At least they'll be gone next year," Ryos replied, following Thea out the door. Hopefully Gajeel was here on time. God, all he wanted was to curl up in his room and eat chocolate. Cramps were making their way through his lower back and he groaned. Fucking periods.

After waving goodbye to Thea and Nadev at the side door, Ryos headed through the hallways of the school until he reached the front entrance where he expected Gajeel to be waiting. Instead, Gray was leaning against the wall. He wore a purple hoodie and jeans, and he looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Gray?" Ryos asked, frowning. Gray looked up at him and smiled uncertainly. "What… are you doing here?"

"Levy went into labor," Gray explained, shoving his hands into his back pockets self-consciously. _Oh_. Ryos knew she was due any day, but he'd been so wrapped up in his own problems… "She asked if you could stay with us tonight while they're at the hospital. Is that okay?"

 _Shit._ Ryos' expression shifted to displeasure as he envisioned the evening. They'd find out. _Fuck._ He could argue with Gray, insist on staying on his own, but… he didn't dislike Gray. In fact, Ryos quite liked him, especially after chatting with him on New Year's and realizing that they had more in common than he'd thought.

"We were at Freed's for board games, Natsu's still there and they're gonna save us some leftovers," Gray said awkwardly. Ryos cringed internally at the idea of being around all those people. Although… Freed was interesting. Not like him, but not like everyone else either, and so open about it. "Is that okay?"

Ryos nodded reluctantly, fiddling with the rainbow of elastic bands on his wrist. He was going to have to tell Gray, then. Deep down he doubted Gray would be upset, but the idea of actually saying the words was terrifying. It hadn't gone well the last time he'd come out.

"Yes. Thank you," Ryos said, trying to sound appreciative but probably failing. "I need some things from home."

"Of course," Gray said, gesturing to the front door.

The drive was tense – the more Ryos thought about telling Gray, the more he started to panic. He just wanted to be a boy – Gajeel's brother, Sting's boyfriend, male lead in the play. And if he told Gray, everything would change.

 _Maybe I can keep it a secret,_ he thought as he ran up the stairs to their apartment and let himself in. He could just wear the binder a little longer than he was supposed to, he could bring a bag and hide the pads, he could skip showering. He dragged his baggiest black hoodie out of the back of the closet and shoved it into the duffle bag, along with one of his sports bras.

"You wanna grab something from Starbucks?" Gray asked as Ryos slid back into the car with his overnight bag. He blinked, surprised.

"Oh. Um… yes. Please?" Gray smiled, heading out of the parking lot and into the nearest drive-through. He didn't give Ryos shit for getting coffee, either – in fact, their orders were almost identical. Gajeel always gave him a hard time about too much caffeine.

"Are you worried about the baby?" Gray asked. He had pulled back onto the road and was heading toward Freed's house when he finally spoke, and Ryos realized they had been listening to the radio station in silence for several minutes. He glanced over at Gray and was relieved to see that he didn't seem annoyed.

"Not really," Ryos admitted, sipping his coffee. The painkillers were finally kicking in and he was starting to feel more comfortable. "I don't mind kids. Gajeel's been so nervous, I just... I wanna help. I don't know much about babies though." He felt uncertain. Gray wasn't treating him like a kid, which was nice, but Ryos still felt like he was floundering.

Gray gave him a half-smile and flicked on his blinker, taking the exit onto the freeway. He was a handsome man, with straight dark hair and a kind smile. So different from the angry, hard teenager that Ryos remembered from Lyon's gang. Was it because of Natsu?

"Neither did I when my niece was born," Gray said and Ryos blinked, realizing that they were still talking about babies. "I was a couple years older than you, but she was terrifyingly tiny." Ryos made a face.

"Like, what if I drop her?" he said, tapping his fingers anxiously against his coffee cup. He wanted so badly to be helpful, to repay Gajeel for all he'd done. "Or like, fuck up somehow." He winced, realizing that Gray was an adult, not one of his friends he could curse around. "Sorry." Gray shrugged.

"I'm not your parent, I don't care if you swear," he replied, nonplussed. "Pretty sure I said a lot worse at your age." Ryos was about to roll his eyes when Gray groaned. "Oh my god, pretend I didn't say that. I hate people who say _when I was your age."_ Ryos laughed, settling back into his chair. Gray seemed pretty cool, and he felt himself relaxing a little around him.

"Gajeel always acts like he knows what my life is like," Ryos said before he could stop himself. "But he's six years older than me. And he didn't even _go_ to high school." He blinked as he realized that Gray hadn't, either. He wondered how much of him Gray remembered. Twelve had been a horrible year for Ryos – puberty wasn't kind, and he'd spent most of the year hiding in Gajeel's old sweaters.

"Is school… okay?" Gray asked.

"School's fine," Ryos said quickly, frowning. That was none of Gray's business. He didn't need to know.

Ryos picked at his clothes, waiting for follow-up questions, but they never came. Glancing up furtively, Ryos saw Gray focusing on the road, looking entirely nonchalant. Was he not going to interrogate Ryos? That's what Gajeel always did. But Gajeel always tried to _do_ something about his problems. Gray couldn't do anything. Maybe he could just listen?

"It's just… I don't…" Ryos sighed in frustration, thinking of Mason and Kellen. "People are dicks."

"Yeah, they can be," Gray replied softly. Ryos waited uncertainly, not sure if a lecture was going to follow or not. "But not all of them. You've got Sting, right?"

Ryos' shoulders slumped and his face dropped at Sting's name, and he wrapped his arms around himself tightly, trying not to think about his ridiculous boyfriend and his blinding smile and how he was going to probably dump Ryos as soon as he found out he didn't have a dick.

"Is something wrong?" Gray asked, concerned.

"No," Ryos said hurriedly. He pulled the stopper from the coffee cup and began to chew on it nervously. Everything in him was screaming to shut up, to keep this to himself, to tell Gray to mind his own business. But another part of him just wanted to _tell someone._ "Maybe. Yes."

Oh gods, he was going to do this. He was going to tell Gray. He tried to breathe deeply through his nose, but it felt like something was sitting on his chest and he might throw up.

"Can… if I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?" Ryos squeezed his eyes shut, biting down harder on the cup stopper. It had to be a secret.

"Ryos…" Gray said gently. Ryos felt the car slowing down and he opened his eyes to see Gray pulling over to the side of the road. "Yes… unless you're hurting yourself, or someone is hurting you. Or I think it's dangerous."

"No," Ryos insisted, shaking his head. "That's not it." The car came to a stop and Gray turned to look at him. It made him uncomfortable so Ryos grabbed his jacket, clutching it against himself like a barrier. "I'm… school is hard, because I'm not like everybody else." He stared at his shoes, willing himself not to cry. "And I haven't told Sting 'cause I'm scared he won't like me anymore and I really like him, and I don't want him to freak out and leave, but I don't want to be scared of…" He trailed off, frustrated. It was all pouring out of him but it wasn't the right words.

"Whatever's going on sounds confusing," Gray said gently, and his voice made Ryos feel a bit calmer. He sniffed again, rubbing his face, then exhaled sharply, turning to meet Gray's puzzled gaze.

"I'm trans."

 _Holy fuck_ , he thought, immediately burying his face in his jacket. He could feel heat rushing to his face and chest, making it hard to breathe. His skin itched, tingling and heightening every sensation.

"I'm… thank you for telling me," Gray said gently after a moment. "I'm glad you feel like you can trust me." Ryos nodded, wanting to say _I do, I do trust you_ but not able to find his voice. "Do you want a hug?"

"No." Ryos managed to control his voice and shied away towards his side of the car a little. "I appreciate it, but please don't touch me." This was where Gajeel would get frustrated, wanting to show his affection but not knowing how other than with touch. Gray just nodded and sipped his coffee, watching cars pass them by on the freeway.

"I hope this goes without saying, but you being trans has zero impact on how we all see you as a person," Gray said. Ryos made a sound that he hoped was affirmative. He was having trouble processing right now. He'd told Gray and nothing bad was happening. Gray wasn't asking him to prove it. Gray wasn't telling him he was confused. Gray wasn't insisting that he was too young to know. Gray was just accepting it. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I… dunno," Ryos said, sitting up a bit and rubbing his face. This was okay. He could do this. "I've known since I was seven. Dad didn't really understand and just kept saying I was… his daughter…" He winced, remembering their fights. "But Gajeel's always been surprisingly cool." Gray's jeans had a rip in the knee and Ryos fixated on it, trying to focus his thoughts as well. "After dad died, I switched schools and Gajeel went to the principal to talk to them about stuff, like me using the boy's washroom and changing my name. But none of the other kids know, and Sting doesn't know, and he's gay and if he finds out I'm… I mean, I'm n-not a girl, but I have a g-girl's _body_ , and what if he h-hates that?"

And then Ryos was crying again, shoulders shaking and tears running down his face. He curled back in on himself, trying to keep it in and failing. He kept thinking about Sting's hurt face when Ryos had shoved him away last week. What would his face have looked like if he'd pulled up the shirt and seen Ryos' binder?

"You can't predict what will happen if you tell him," Gray said gently, respecting Ryos' wishes not to be touched but gesturing to the tissues in the glove compartment. Ryos took one gratefully. "If you're planning on being intimate, it's not something you're going to be able to hide."

Ryos felt his face flush beneath his tears and he groaned in embarrassment. Was he seriously talking about sex with one of his brother's ex-gang friends on the side of the freeway? Gajeel had tried a few times, but Ryos had told him that he'd rather use the internet, and he had. It had all been so… confusing, though.

"I know, I'm old and gross and shouldn't be talking about sex," Gray teased. Ryos huffed at him, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "But is that what made you think about telling him?"

Ryos hesitated. Ever since Levy had become pregnant, Gajeel had drawn a hard line with sex, banning Ryos from having Sting in his bedroom with the door closed. If he found out that Ryos had had been talking about sex with Gray…

"I'm not going to tell Gajeel," Gray assured him, as if reading his mind. "You're almost sixteen, and if he thinks he can stop you from having sex, he's… well, naïve. If that's something you want to talk about, it can stay between you and me." Ryos hesitated, then Gray added, "as long as you're being safe and smart and taking care of yourself."

"Yeah," Ryos said after a minute. Gray seemed sincere, and talking to him was easy. This wasn't nearly as scary as he'd thought it would be. "I want to… do things… with Sting." He swallowed, cheeks flushing pink with embarrassment. "Like not _sex_ yet but other stuff. But I'm scared he'll hate my body." He ran a finger under the elastics on his wrist, letting them snap back into place as he tried to figure out how to word the next part. "And I…" he exhaled, staring at the floor. "I… _dontevenknowhow._ " He could feel his face burning but he kept going. "Like, we had sex ed at school and they talk about… stuff… but like, never how to… y'know… as a trans guy."

Holy shit, he'd said the word 'trans' twice and nothing had imploded. And Gray was giving him this strange look now, like a mix of sympathy and admiration.

"You've got a lot of questions," Gray said after a moment. "I wish I could answer all of them, but I'm not really qualified."

Ryos sighed in both relief and disappointment. Relief that he could avoid a sex talk, but disappointment that the conversation seemed to be coming to an end. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve, exhaling shakily.

Gray hesitated before continuing. "From... my experience, sex is best when you trust each other, and talk about what you want and need." Ryos tried to picture Gray and Natsu talking to each other about this stuff – they seemed to have such a strong relationship. "And I don't think there's one _right_ way to have sex. That goes for if you're cis or trans or anywhere in between."

Ryos thought about it, nodding and fiddling with the cup stopper. That made sense, but it didn't help with... mechanics. Although Ryos wasn't sure he would ever be ready to talk about that with anyone.

"How would you feel about talking to Freed?" Gray asked suddenly. "You met them at New Year's, they're non-binary which isn't the same but they have more experience with... gender stuff. They volunteer at the Pride Center, so they might be able to help you better than I can."

Ryos nodded hesitantly. Talking to Freed still felt daunting – they seemed so self-assured, so comfortable in their body. Ryos felt like a child next to them. But it couldn't hurt.

"I'm not the most helpful person ever," Gray said apologetically. "I'm sorry." He looked over at Ryos, giving him a kind smile.

"No, it's... fine, it's good," Ryos said quietly. Just saying the words had taken a huge weight off of him – it was the first time he'd said them to someone since coming out to his dad and Gajeel when he was ten. "You're... I trust you. I think I just needed to talk about it."

"That means a lot to me," Gray said, and Ryos could see a small smile at the corner of Gray's mouth. "Do you want my phone number?" he asked. "You can text me if you ever need to talk." Ryos nodded, digging into his pocket for his phone and handing it to Gray. It felt sort of... surreal. "I'll put Freed's number too, but you can talk to them tonight if you'd like?"

The uneasy feeling crept back a bit, making his fingers tingle. Everyone was going to be there. What if they overheard?

"I don't want anyone else to know," he said uncertainly.

"Once we turn on the Wii, everyone will be preoccupied with MarioKart," Gray promised, laughing. "But it's entirely up to you." He looked at Ryos, giving him a small smile. "Ready to go?"

"...yeah, I'm ready," Ryos said. He pulled down his hair and ran his fingers through it, then tied it up in a messy bun. Gray started up the car and Ryos sighed, rubbing his eyes and sniffling. He'd done it. He'd told someone, and they'd listened, and everything had been okay.

Now he just needed to tell Sting.

"So," Gray said, pulling Sting out of his thoughts as he merged onto the highway and headed down towards the ocean. "Tell me about this play."


	7. the terrifying truth

_A/N: TW for bullying, mentions of past threats of sexual violence, and dysphoria_

 _I finally managed to write the ending! If you know me, you'll know I hate writing endings, probably because I don't want it to be over, and I always want it to be perfect. I hope you enjoyed this, and if you want to read more of Ryos and Sting, I'm currently working on "we are unbreakable," a sequel to crash & burn that's set thirteen years after this and features the two of them as adults!_

 _The song Sting quotes is 'Let's Hear it for the Boy' by Denise Williams, one of the songs in 'Footloose' which Ryos is performing in._

* * *

Coming home after Kiya was born was a whirlwind, and the first time Ryos held her, he fell in love.

"She looks like you," Ryos said to Gajeel. Ryos had spent three nights at Gray and Natsu's - Levy had ended up having an emergency C-section and was now fast asleep in her and Gajeel's bedroom.

There was no response from Gajeel, who was lying on the other side of the couch with his arm over his eyes. Ryos poked him, but the only response he got was a muffled snore.

Ryos curled up further in his corner of the couch, running his finger over Kiya's cheek and staring into her eyes. She'd stopped crying as soon as Gajeel had handed her to Ryos, and now she was staring at him with wide, gray eyes.

"Guess it's just you and me," Ryos said softly. "Gotta give mom and dad a break, huh?"

Kiya yawned, squirming in Ryos' arms. He shifted her against his chest so her head rested against his heartbeat and she settled down, tiny fist pressed to her mouth as her eyes slowly closed.

Within minutes she was fast asleep, breathing evenly under Ryos' hand.

"You're perfect," he said quietly. Holding her made him feel significant. Necessary. It filled a place inside of him that he hadn't known was there, and he wiped at his face as tears spilled down his cheeks. "I love you," he whispered.

Kiya made a soft, snuffling noise and Ryos started humming – he couldn't recall the words or even the language, but he remembered the tune from when his mother would rock him to sleep.

Ryos shuffled his phone out of his pocket, carefully taking a selfie of him and Kiya and then opening up a text to Gray.

 _You were right,_ he typed, one-handed. _She's so small. I love her already._

Ryos hit _send,_ then flipped back to his list of conversations.

Sting's name sat halfway down the list, and Ryos realized with a start that the date of their last text was a week ago. He opened it up, chest tightening as he read the message again.

 _i'm sorry, i didn't mean to go too far. please talk to me. i miss you._

Ryos squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push away the feeling of guilt and hopelessness that was growing in his chest. The absence of Sting in his life was almost physically painful – a dark, deep hole that ached and ached.

He needed to tell Sting the truth. Even if Sting didn't want to be with him anymore, Ryos owed him that much.

 _I miss you too,_ he typed back, hoping he wasn't too late. _I'm sorry I took so long to respond. I have some things I need to tell you._

Almost immediately, Ryos' phone pinged with a response. _can you meet me at the skate park on ryerson?_

Ryos looked down at Kiya again, then kissed her head, pressing his cheek against her hair and staring down at the message from Sting. He had to do this, no matter how much it hurt.

 _Yeah,_ he replied eventually. _I'll be there at six._

* * *

The outdoor skate park was empty by the time Ryos got there. A chill ran through the air as the sun dipped low in the sky, hiding behind a thick swathe of clouds that sat over the water.

Ryos climbed up to the top of the quarter pipe, brushing bits of concrete away as he settled down cross-legged, facing the ocean. It was hard to see from here – bits of dark blue with white, foamy caps that ebbed and flowed between the trees. Ryos pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them, sighing and looking down at the hole in his shoes.

"Hey."

A voice came from behind Ryos and he jumped, turning to see Sting standing at the bottom of the quarter pipe, expression uncertain, hands tucked in his pockets.

"Hey," Ryos said softly. It had only been a week since he'd seen Sting, but it felt like forever. Sting's eyes were sad and his hair was messy from the wind, and he stared at a spot just beyond where Ryos was sitting. "C'mere."

Sting looked unsure, but clambered slowly up the half-pipe, sitting down next to Ryos and shifting uncomfortably. Ryos reached out and took one of Sting's hands and Sting looked at him, eyes searching his face.

Ryos sighed, sliding his fingers between Sting's and pulling him closer. All he wanted to do was kiss Sting – pretend that this conversation didn't have to exist, that they could just go back to inside jokes and making out and silly faces.

"I'm sorry," he said eventually. The words weren't enough, and they felt hollow in his chest. "I didn't... god, I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to hurt you."

"But you did," Sting said, voice soft and sad.

Ryos squeezed Sting's hand, but Sting didn't return the gesture. He looked away from Ryos, down to the pavement where bits of dead grass poked through the cracks.

"I know," Ryos said softly, running his thumb over Sting's knuckles. "I owe you an explanation."

Sting nodded but remained quiet, looking away from Ryos. He looked like he had the day they'd found out about his epilepsy – numb and exhausted.

"There's some things about me that I haven't told you," Ryos said eventually, rubbing his face. "I shouldn't have..."

"Why?" Sting asked quietly. "Don't you trust me? I've told you everything about myself." He finally looked over at Ryos. "I thought..."

"I do trust you," Ryos insisted, shifting closer to Sting. "I was just scared, and I still am, but I don't wanna lie anymore."

"Scared of what?" Sting asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Scared that you'll leave."

Sting stared at him, then shook his head. "You're the one who left," he said, resting his chin on his knees and staring out toward the ocean.

The pressure in Ryos' chest was turning to tears and he wanted to swallow it down, push everything away where it was safe and hidden and he didn't have to talk about it.

"Gajeel and I don't have a lot of money," he said, forcing the words out. "I never invited you to my place because it's a shithole. Sometimes we don't have any food. A couple times our power's been cut, or the heat, because we couldn't afford to pay it." He rubbed his face. "When he was in juvie, I ended up in a care home, and I hated it. I'd rather have nothing with Gajeel than go back there."

Sting looked at Ryos, and he finally squeezed Ryos' hand, moving until their knees were touching.

"You thought I'd care about that?" he asked.

Ryos sighed. "I dunno," he said. "It's not... I know you don't, but you've... you're really rich." He hated the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. "It's not that I thought you'd think... I was just embarrassed."

Ryos rested his forehead on his knees and tried to push the heat back from his cheeks. Sting's thumb ghosted across the back of his hand and Ryos clung to the feeling, to the hope that he could fix this.

"Why did you push me away?" Sting asked. "I don't care... I get it, the other stuff, but..." He sniffed, wiping at his face, and Ryos' heart ached when he saw tears on Sting's cheeks. "You said you weren't gonna leave, after I h-hurt myself, and then you—you pushed me away, and I don't know what I did wrong."

 _Oh gods._ The ache twisted into guilt, hot and heavy, and Ryos reached out to brush the tears from Sting's cheeks. Sting's eyes were so blue, and so full of confusion and pain.

"I'm so sorry," Ryos whispered. "I didn't know how to tell you, and I was—I'm scared that you'll leave, and I still don't know—"

"Tell me what?" Sting asked, pressing his cheek into Ryos' palm. "What could you say that would make me lea—"

"I'm trans."

Sting blinked, words halfway out of his mouth as Ryos interrupted him. The statement hung heavy between them and Ryos looked down at his shoes again, terrified of the expression on Sting's face. His skin felt too tight and his stomach churned, a mixture of regret and fear roiling inside of him.

"Oh," Sting said eventually.

Ryos peeked up at him, trying to ignore the way his heart slammed against his ribs. Sting's expression was curious, eyes tracing the lines of Ryos' face as he chewed on his lip.

"I'm sorry," Ryos whispered, pulling his knees tighter against himself. His binder itched, suddenly, and he wished he could tear it to pieces.

"You don't... it's..." Sting shook his head, stumbling over his words as he squeezed Ryos' hand. "I just wanna make sure I understand."

Every muscle in Ryos' body was tensed, ready to pull back or push Sting away and run. Sting's fingers traced a gentle pattern on the back of Ryos' hand, and the touch was almost overwhelming.

"Do you mean you're... you wanna be—or you are, I mean, you're a girl? Or the other... other way around, I guess?" Sting's cheeks flushed pink and he looked down at their joined hands. "I'm sorry, I don't really—"

"I'm a boy," Ryos said, trying to sound more confident than he felt. "I just—my body. It doesn't fit." He curled his toes in his shoes, trying to focus on the way the gravel felt under the thin soles.

"So you were... born a girl?" Sting asked hesitantly. Ryos nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. "But you're a boy." Another nod.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Ryos whispered, rubbing his face. "I wanted to, but... I just, I really like you, a lot, and I was scared you'd h-hate me, and I didn't mean to push you away, I just—"

A hand on Ryos' cheek startled him out of his rambling and he looked up at Sting with wide eyes. Sting's expression was soft as he brushed Ryos' hair out of his eyes, then ran his thumb over Ryos' cheek.

"How could you think I'd hate you?" he asked, voice shaky.

Ryos could feel himself starting to cry, hot tears that Sting brushed away. "I didn't... I'm s-sorry, just—my old school, I thought people were m-my friends and they hurt me, and—"

"What?" Sting asked, expression heartbroken. "People hurt you?"

Ryos nodded miserably and Sting made a sad sound, wrapping his arm around Ryos and pulling him close. He rested his head on Ryos', running his hand up and down Ryos' arm.

"I t-told my friend," Ryos said, voice thick with tears that he couldn't stop. "Sh-she said it was okay b-but she told everyone, and th-they wrote stuff on my locker, and kept c-calling me names, and this one guy, Garret, he f-followed me after school with his friends one day and s-said I was a freak and that I sh-should die, and h-he..."

A sob broke out of Ryos' throat and he choked on it, pressing his hands to his face to stop the tears. He'd never told anyone the whole story before – not even Gajeel, who had been the one to find Ryos crying in the alley behind their building hours after Garret and his friends had left.

"H-he said if I c-came back to school he'd... they'd show me how 'being a girl c-could be fun with the r-right guy,' and I was so s-scared..."

"Jesus," Sting said softly, wrapping both arms around Ryos and holding him tight. "Those assholes, that's... I'm so sorry."

Ryos' couldn't stop shaking as images of Garret pushing him into the wall and trapping him there flashed through his mind. He could _feel_ it – the scrape of the brick, the way Garret's fingers tightened around his arm, the suffocating press of Garret's body as he whispered in Ryos' ear.

"I just want to be a boy," Ryos sobbed, turning and pressing his face into the soft fabric of Sting's hoodie. "I d-don't want to be like this, I just want—and I didn't want you to know I wasn't a r-real—"

"Ryos." Sting's voice was gentle as he pulled back, tipping Ryos' head up until they were looking at each other. "You are a boy. I wanna kill that fucking asshole."

Ryos wiped at his face, shaking his head. "I didn't mean to run away," he whispered. "You didn't do anything wrong, I was just—you had your hand up m-my shirt, and I was scared you were gonna find out, and I wasn't ready and I didn't want to lose you."

"You're not gonna lose me," Sting said, pressing their foreheads together as he ran his hands up and down Ryos' arms. "I get why you didn't tell me, but I promise... it doesn't change anything. I'm surprised, but you're still _you,_ and I don't wanna miss you anymore."

The tight, terrified ache in Ryos' chest exploded into relief, waves of pent-up anxiety dissolving into cries that shook his entire body. Sting's hands moved everywhere – wiping tears from Ryos' cheeks, running through his hair, pulling him close.

"It's okay," Sting whispered reassuringly. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

* * *

They ended up back at Sting's house, curled up on his bed together with their hands clasped between them.

"You doin' okay?" Sting asked, shuffling closer to Ryos and twining their fingers together. Ryos nodded – his eyes felt puffy and swollen and every part of him was exhausted, but the tight, terrified feeling in his chest was gone.

"I'm sorry," he said again, and Sting shook his head.

"Stop apologizing." Sting reached out a tentative hand and ran it through Ryos' hair, and Ryos sighed happily, leaning into the touch. "My uncle is trans," Sting said after a minute. "I mean—aunt, my aunt. Sorry."

"Really?" Ryos asked, surprised. He'd never met anyone else like him – only Freed, and even that wasn't quite the same.

Sting nodded. "Yeah, I'm—I feel bad, I keep saying uncle, I'm so used to it." He sighed, trailing his fingers down Ryos' neck and rubbing the spot behind his ear. "She lives really far away, and dad was really surprised when she told us – it was before she came for Thanksgiving last year."

Ryos didn't say anything, but the hopeful feeling kept bubbling in his chest. Sting understood. Sting didn't think he was a freak. Sting wasn't pushing him away.

"Anyway, dad and I talked about it a lot 'cause I didn't really know what it meant," Sting continued. "And it actually ended up with me telling him I'm bi 'cause he was being so, like… I dunno, not freaked about it? And he was cool about that too."

"I like your dad," Ryos said softly. Even though Wes wasn't around often, when he was there, he always made Ryos feel welcome.

"Me too," Sting said, then made a face. "Don't tell him I said that, though."

Ryos laughed, tipping his head to the side as Sting's fingers traced patterns across Ryos' skin. Sting gazed at him, eyes bright but uncertain, and he shifted a bit closer until they were almost nose-to-nose.

"Can I kiss you?" Sting asked softly.

Ryos didn't answer, just leaned in and pressed their lips together. The kiss was tentative at first, but then Sting made a deep, happy sound at the back of his throat that sent a thrill through Ryos, and he opened up to Sting. Sting curled his fingers around the back of Ryos' neck and pulled him close as he kissed him harder, tongue exploring Ryos' mouth.

Ryos brought his hand down to grab Sting's hip and pulled him closer until they were pressed against each other, and Sting tightened his fingers in Ryos' hair.

"Wh-what…" Sting's tentative question was murmured against Ryos' lips, and Ryos reluctantly pulled back until they were looking at each other. "What's okay?" Sting asked, voice uncertain. "I don't really—I mean, I've never done, um… anything. With anyone? And I don't really know…" He trailed off, face red with embarrassment.

"Me either," Ryos reassured him, pressing their foreheads together. He exhaled shakily, slipping his hand under Sting's shirt and rubbing his side, careful to avoid the small white scars on his hip.

"Is this okay?" Sting asked, gesturing between them.

Ryos nodded. "I wanna… what we were doing." His face flushed hot, but he forced himself to keep going. "Before I—before I ran away, I liked that." Sting nodded. "I just—don't touch my chest, okay?"

"Okay," Sting said, leaning in and kissing Ryos again. This time it wasn't uncertain, it was hot and needy as Sting's hand travelled down Ryos' side, carefully avoiding his binder and ending up at the small of his back. Ryos slid his fingers further up Sting's shirt, tipping his head up as Sting's lips moved down to his neck, pressing hot kisses to his skin.

Ryos let out a quiet moan, then pressed himself up against Sting, fingers exploring the curve of Sting's shoulder, the hard lines of the muscles in his back. Sting moved his hand to Ryos' hip and nudged him, asking, "can I be on top of you?" against Ryos' skin.

Ryos nodded, shifting onto his back as Sting sat up and straddled his hips, lips still trailing across his throat. Sting was already hard and Ryos could feel him through his jeans, pressing down against Ryos. The panic that Ryos had felt before was just a blip now, fading under the feeling of Sting's lips against his.

Sting rocked his hips down tentatively and Ryos gasped, tipping his head back and pressing up to meet Sting. He didn't need to feel guilty anymore. Sting knew, and Ryos was allowed to feel good.

"You're gorgeous," Sting murmured, leaning down on one elbow and kissing Ryos' cheek. "I like you, just like this."

Half an hour later they were both red-faced and breathing heavily, curled up together with Sting wrapped around Ryos from behind. His fingers traced soft circles over Ryos' stomach, and Ryos tipped his head back so he could catch Sting's lips in a kiss.

"I really like you," Ryos said softly, and he could feel Sting smile against his lips. "I missed you so much."

"Same," Sting said, pulling Ryos closer. He was warm and safe, and Ryos wanted to stay here forever. Sting kissed Ryos' temple, then whispered, "and I really, really like you too."

* * *

The opening night of the play came faster than Ryos expected, and before he knew it, he was standing backstage, watching the lighting technicians and listening to the band warming up. He shifted nervously, playing with the sleeves of his red dress shirt and picking at nonexistent fluff on his jeans.

"Uh, Ryos?" Nadev's voice came from behind him and Ryos turned around to see his friend holding a giant bouquet of roses. Ryos raised his eyebrow as Nadev handed them to him. "They are from your boyfriend."

Ryos took the roses, setting them down on the table and running his fingers over the soft petals. He could feel heat creeping into his cheeks, and a soft laugh escaped him as he looked up at Nadev. Ryos' stomach felt light, like a thousand tiny bubbles were flooding through him and making it hard to breathe.

"He is very romantic," Nadev said, smiling, and Ryos laughed as the feeling spread down to his fingertips.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah, he is."

As Nadev walked away to adjust the set, Ryos noticed that a copy of the playbill was tucked in between the roses. He took it out and unfolded it, turning it over and recognizing Sting's messy handwriting on the back.

 _my baby may not be rich, he's watching every dime  
but he loves me, loves me, loves me  
we always have a real good time  
and maybe he sings off key, but that's all right by me  
'cause what he does, he does so well  
makes me wanna yell  
let's hear it for the boy_

The word 'boy' was underlined, and a heart was sketched next to it in pink and blue ink. Ryos stared at it for a second before he realized that it was the pattern of the trans pride flag.

"You're ridiculous," Ryos whispered, covering his mouth as tears welled up in his eyes.

"Okay, you gotta help me find a guy like this," Thea said, coming up behind Ryos and staring at the flowers. Ryos quickly tucked the note in his pocket and wiped his eyes, but he couldn't hide the pink flush that colored his cheeks, or the grin that crept across his face.

"He's really sweet," Ryos said softly, touching the petals of one of the roses. "I… really, really like him."

"You two are disgustingly cute," Thea said, nudging Ryos with her elbow as she smoothed the skirt of her white lace dress. Her hair was pinned up in a gorgeous pile of curls, and other than the fact that it was bright pink, she looked every part the preacher's daughter she was playing.

"Is Sting gonna hunt me down after this?" she teased, straightening Ryos' tie and brushing his bangs out of his face. "He knows we have to kiss, right?"

Ryos laughed, shaking the nervous energy out of his hands and moving over to peek out from behind the curtain. Sting was sitting with Gajeel and Levy in the second row, and Ryos' heart melted as he saw that Sting was holding Kiya, letting her grab his finger as he talked to Gajeel. Gray and Natsu were sitting on the other side of Levy, with Freed and Laxus right behind them.

"I'm glad you two figured things out," Thea said softly. Ryos leaned his head on her shoulder and reached down to squeeze her hand.

"Me too," he said, thinking of the way Sting had pulled him down onto his bed and kissed him over and over again after their conversation last week. A warm, bubbling sensation filled Ryos' stomach as he thought of the paths that Sting's fingers had traced over his skin. Sting knew about Ryos' body, and he touched it anyway, and it made Ryos feel…

Ryos wasn't sure exactly how he felt yet, but whatever the feeling was, it took his breath away, and he wanted to feel it over and over again.

It made Ryos feel brave, and alive, and real.

Before he could stop himself, Ryos turned to Thea and said, "I need to tell you something." She frowned at him and he added, "nothing bad, and… I wanna wait until after the play, but I need to talk to you and Nadev."

Thea studied Ryos' face for a minute, nodding, and Ryos suddenly had the feeling that she already knew. She didn't say anything, though, just leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, then squeezed his hands and pulled him toward the group that was gathering around Mrs Kelling.

"C'mon," she said, bouncing on her toes with excitement. "It's showtime."


End file.
